You know what's really weird?
I thought I was smiling in this picture.
I clearly was not.
<----I bought this dress, because I like this dress. I loved it on the hanger. I loved it in the dressing room. Granted...it IS a little tight right under my bewbs, but I LOVED THIS DRESS and I wanted to have something that I LOVED TO WEAR. I came home...I put it on and my hubby said "Wow, you look really good in that dress." I asked him to take a picture of me in it, to show all of you. I thought, I was smiling. I clearly was not. I saw this picture and I definitely wasn't smiling then either. In the mirror...I don't look like Fanny Frumpelstein at least not when I look at myself. When I tried this dress on in the store and I looked in the mirror...I looked like the picture of femininity. I felt pretty. Hubby said I looked great! I think I look awful in this picture. Why did I think I was smiling? LOL! I may sound depressed, but I really am not, it's comical to me how I had an entirely different perception of how this was going to look and how it really did. It just reinforced to me how my inside is soo much different than my outside. How my perception of how the outside world should see me is so completely different from what I must be portraying.
A few years ago, an odd girl at work started a rumor about me. She told people that I was a devil worshipper. She said that she saw me under an overpass with some chicken feet and blood. This is clearly the most ridiculous rumor I have ever heard about anyone...let alone myself. I told myself not to even worry about it. People have to know that she is off her rocker. Could anyone really believe that I...little old me was a purveyor of the dark arts? Well, they did and if I look like this when I think I am smiling...I totally understand why...lol.
My point in all this is two-fold.
First of all...I don't care if I look like hell in this dress because in it...I feel on top of the world. Wearing this dress and having that feeling is a major component of this whole journey. Being healthy, being active, and being confident in myself. I refuse to let this picture take that away from me.
Secondly, when it comes to me...the only perception that matters is mine. Sure, I want my family and friends to think good things about me, but they know more than just this shell I live in, they know my heart. From here on out, I want my actions, the person I portray in public, to be based on me, not on some sense of who a normal person is...not some persona for your enjoyment. But me. Because I am wonderfully made.
<3 I like the dress, Christie. Screw what other people think/say. As long as it doesn't affect you, your family or your job (which it could have, since this girl was spreading it at your place of employment - how unprofessional), then it doesn't matter. =)
ReplyDeleteHey you...good for you not letting the photo take away your happiness...wear it with pride=))
ReplyDeleteAnd I've never even heard of a rumor such as that being started. Geesh...couldn't she think of anything more believable? LOL
Hope this finds you well=) I'm doing good...not posting much b/c I'm trying to concentrate on a couple of goals for myself=)
I L OVE YOU! CHICKEN FEET AND ALL :)...Thursday is voodoo doll night under the full moon..Amy is driving, SHOTGUN!... you are PERFECT. and i am a better person for knowing you.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you courage to post yourself with picture describing your problems. Even in today's life no one desires to expose his weaknesses.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with Scott, he is a better person for knowing you... just kidding. Anyone who meets you and gets a chance to know you becomes a better person.
ReplyDeleteIt is a beautiful dress and to hell what people think, you are working so hard to reach your goals and it is paying off! You are an amazing person! Keep it up!
I think you look great and so do your cute little girls!
ReplyDeleteI so admire the fact that you hold on to how you feel, rather than what a picture, or something else that isnt reality may or may not look like. I wish I was more like you in that I I wish I could see a picture and think "well that isnt what I thought I looked like," but just go on. I am sorry to say that it would derail me! I love that you know that you are a beautiful woman, and a beautiful person!!
ReplyDeleteI think that color is great on you! See that just proves how wrong a certain person was wrong Christie can do pink and she is a great girl mom.
ReplyDeleteI had this same thing happen to me a zillion times. I put something on, felt good in it, saw it in a pic and went, "It looks like THAT on me? Ugh."
ReplyDeleteI think if you ditch the shrug, it will look a zillion times better. The shrug is the problem. I have the EXACT SAME PINK SHRUG...and every time i put it on, it made the outfit look WORSE...cause it never fit right, never fell right, bunched up like that. So, really, I think it's less about the dress (though big flower prints on us big girls do us a disservice, I've learned) and more about the thing on TOP of the dress. Try it. Take a pic without the pink shruggy thing. It may surprise you. :)
You'll find something in that pretty pink that suits you. Just keep your eyes open.
And very, very interesting about the expression you thought you had and the actual one.