Monday, June 20, 2011

Facing New Challenges

Yesterday was Father's Day.  I hope my dad and the hubano had a great day!  I talked to my dad on the phone yesterday, he lives in Vegas so it's a little far to see him.  He is moving to Ohio at the end of the month and he, my step-mom, my niece, and my nephew will live the closest they have lived to us in my adult life.  7 hours away!  Seems like far, I am sure, but I believe (and hope) that this distance is a gap that can be bridged more often than before. 

I try not to talk about my dad here.  I love my dad, but there are issues.  Issues that contribute to my weight situation...I am sure, but we see each other so infrequently and his side of my family tends to hold grudges( I am soo ingrained with this in my own heart).  His ego is not a resilient as my mom's (and her family) and I care not for the drama that may ensue all from expressing a feeling.  I know that my stepmom reads my blog.  I also know that she is not blind, but she is married to him, so I respect that. reiterate...the most important thing that I have said here today...I LOVE MY DAD.

Hubano had a good day with the family yesterday.  We had an issue with getting to church on time and unfortunately...did not make it.  So...ROAD TRIP...we drove 45 minutes into STL and drove through Forest Park (hubano was frightened as he thought we were visiting the zoo...HE HATES THE ZOO...weirdo).  I purchased a new lens and some filters this week, so I thought it would be fun to find somewhere picturesque and take some photos.  I am VERY pleased with the results.

Afterwards, we went to Red Lobster (my girls KNOW my hubby).  I had the broiled cod, broccoli,  baked potato, and salad.  HE had....well  A!  We had a ton of fun together and he actually took most of the day off work.  The phone was ringing off the hook, but he put off all jobs until after lunch. (About 3 o'clock). 

Nurturing a growing start up business is hard work and requires a TON of SACRIFICE!  Mostly in time spent with him and $$ of course.  He worries about it everyday.  We have been married for 12 years and together for 17.  We have not only grown together, but we have grown up together.  He pushes my buttons (, but I love the heck out of that man!

Took some great pictures (bottom of blog) and had a great day.  Made me think about all the challenges that lie ahead for me.  In the wake of having NO challenges (which is crazy that NOTHING would have a wake...but it does), I have been struggling to find a goal to assist me on the journey to get healthy.  I did sign up for another 5k.  It is on July 9.  I will probably not run that one either, but I WILL (consider) competitively walking.  I was reading Ash's blog over at Breathing Through Chaos and we are having the same "backsliding" struggles, so I suggested to her that we (who are both competitive) go toe to toe and do this thing for real.  (LOL because the last two years were just for posterity)
She agreed.  I am sure that at some point it will have a fancy name and stricter parameters, but for now.  It is her and I eating healthy and committing to at least 4 days a week to a MINIMUM of 20 minutes of exercise.  Our contest will run from today until July 18th when one person will be crowned VICTORIOUS!  (hope it's me) 

I am sad to say that it appears as though I have "bulked up" for the competition.  I am starting it at 278 lbs. (shhhh..not a word)  I have been a bad girl and I know it!  As a certain blogger who shall remain nameless would say..."She's killing herself and all these people are supporting her in doing it and well...some stuff about coffins and funeral businesses and yada yada yada" He would be right, but I am putting my faith in God and hard work to get back on track here.

Now for pictures of my fam from the day out!  Even one of me...reluctantly. : )~


Thursday, June 16, 2011

New Non-Scale Challenge: Writing a Book

No one commented, but my last post appeared to be a smashing success.  Received messages on FB about people liking it.  Really the last two posts have been that way!  Thanks for all the kind words!  Another amazing thing hubano (trying it out as hubster seems to be becoming over used on the bliggitys) even read/had them read to him and seemed impressed (which is major)!

A while ago, I had another blog called "Why are you so Angry?"  This was supposed to be the place for all of the crazy stories about things that went on in my life (they are plentiful), but for some reason...I focused on this one and after only one post...Why are you so angry... fell to the wayside.  To be honest, it has fallen to the wayside with SEVERAL other blog projects.  Let's face it...this one was saving my life.

After reading the last two posts, Jim suggested that I actually do something with those stories and challenge myself to compile them into book form.  He even came up with the funniest little title for it.  It's a great title and I was impressed (even he was amazed himself). 

Writing a book means nothing in the long run.  Doesn't mean that I could sell it and not have to find a job.  Doesn't even mean that it will be good.  It does however, mean that I will sit down and do something that I have been toying with (and have started and stopped) since I was 14. 

In a world of billions, I am but one.

My father in heaven loves me, my family and friends love me, but the world...well they may never know me and they may not be interested and that is truly ok.  This is just something for me to focus on through completion to show that I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST.  I am not alone.  I am not afraid.

My food this week has been off the hook.  Classic reach a goal, sabotage yourself.  Aunt Flo is also visiting so, my weigh in this week will probably not be acceptable.  I am back to wearing the fit bit daily, so maybe that will help.

Not a whole lot of response on what my next weight loss challenge should be...I did get a FB comment that suggest I should try Zumba (which I am excited to try), but I am not sure how I would CHALLENGE myself with it.  Anyone, Anyone?

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Trouble in TVland

Looking for goals...da da    da da    da da dum  da da   da da  dumdadadadada (improvising the jeopardy theme)

I was sitting in the house last night...listening to the sounds Cory and Chumlee argue with Rick on another riveting episode of Pawn Stars.  Will it turn out to be John Hancock's true signature?  Who knows, but they will surely bring in the dude with the Amish hat to tell them. 

Personally...I haven't been watching a lot of TV...which if you KNOW me is major.  Once, I was known for watching EVERYTHING.  The product of a single parent home with a mom who worked full time and at times went to school left me with a babysitter known as cable television.  I am the only 35 year old woman that has seen every episode of Mr. Ed, Donna Reed, My Three Sons, and so on and so forth.  This is how bad it is for me...way too much TV and a memory that goes on for days allows me to remember the following little commercial for My Three Sons that came on Nick at Nite when I was 10 or younger..

"My Three Sons, Oh My Three Sons, They're My Three Sons on Nick at Nite.  They got a dad, his name is Steve, he's got a job, it's really tough, and then there's Bub, he makes them food, They got a dog, they're My Three Sons, on Nick at Nite."  ~believe me...I KNOW how pathetic this is! 

Growing up, I unfortunately learned to have no emotion, except anger.  All other emotion I experienced was through television.  On the rare chance I actually felt something...I ate it.  Television was my only connection to joy and laughter.

I remember as a kid...fighting my mom so hard.  SOOO hard and unfairly. She was doing her best, but it was not what I needed.  I needed someone to be there, someone to be my mom.  I was by myself with my sisters too much and too often, but it's not her fault.  She was working hard and trying to make a better life for us, but there was no time for assisting me in feeling worthy of love or supporting me in trying to accomplish anything.  Not blaming her...she did her best, but I wonder sometimes if this isn't connected to why I lack my ability to set goals and follow through.

Disconnecting myself from the screen has helped me clarify some things.  It has helped me to see what an incredible amount of life was wasted on things like the antics of Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari on Bosom Buddies or David Rasche on Sledgehammer (anybody remember that show?)  All this brain power wasted.  When will it ever benefit me to know that Alf was from Melmac or exactly why Ma'am and George were changing a light bulb NAKED on a very special episode of Webster?

However, it WAS during last night's episode of Pawn Stars when Rick awkwardly told the guys that he would buy them breakfast if they saw a personal trainer (insert awkward Subway commercial) that I realized that I seriously need to set some new goals.  Otherwise, I am concerned that it will suck me back in...AFTER ALL  Toddlers and Tiara's start tomorrow.

So...I am looking for ideas.  I'll be honest.  I don't know that I am interested in running.  I am signing up for another 5K and will be participating in that on July 9th!  Maybe further distances is what I should pursue?  Suggestions are appreciated and expected...come a sister out!  I may be willing to exchange your challenge ideas for my cellphone number to be used in TV and Movie trivia emergencies!  :)~

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Race Day!

Nine months ago, I set a goal.  That goal was to RUN the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure in St. Louis.  It's a 5k and it is the largest Komen race in the world. It is such a great cause, I urge everyone to get involved, whether it is just donating or getting out and supporting a local race. 

Going back to my original was to RUN the Komen..which did not happen.  Mainly because I did not train well enough and because I signed up for the walk thinking that I was going to have an opportunity sprint a few blocks...yep...not happening.  The sea of people was so immense that there was no RUNNING anywhere.  I suppose, I should have signed up for the untimed run and just did that.  Maybe next year, but really after walking it...I have LITTLE desire to run it.
This is me walking...13515...I have never seen myself from behind before....See all the people in front of me...guess what folks..see the building with all the windows to my right...that is the STARTING LINE.  There were tens of thousands of people in front of me...and there are tens of thousands of people behind me.  All in all I logged 5.24 miles this day.

My day started at 4:45 am...woke up and drove the hour to the metrolink (St. Louis light rail system) where I met up with my family who was walking with me.  Arrived just before 7am and after being squished like sardines in a moving tin can we finally arrived downtown at about 8:05, met up with the team about 2.5 blocks away, team photos, and then onto the line up. 
This is us before team pictures...On the left is my sister Snoozy, me, my childhood friend (Tracy who graciously came from two hours away to run with us)  All others pictured are Amy's friends and family.

It was an amazing event,in which we honored an amazing woman. 
Let me tell you what I know about Peggy Guenther.  Virtually nothing...  I never had the pleasure to meet her, she passed before I had the opportunity, but I know she was amazing because she is the mother of my bestie!  Through her daughter, I know that she must've been kind, generous, and exceedingly gracious.  She had to be to raise such a wonderful, special person.
This was kind of a culmination of work for me...this was my deadline, my last actual goal written in stone (more to come of course, but...)!  It was a neat experience, because I was surrounded by people I love.  Both of my sisters and my mom walked as well.  Snoozy walked the Healthy Hermann 5k with me in May, but my sister Viceroy and my Momma have never done a 5k!  The three of us along with my friend Amy (by a stroke of luck and with another of her friends in tow) crossed the finish line together! 

While we were mom said something that really struck a chord with me... (she will probably be mad that I am relaying this) She said, "You know how on the biggest loser the first time they do something like this they get all weepy and cry in the end about how much they've learned about themself?"  Then she laughed.  I understood this to mean that she didn't feel that way about her, but when I crossed the finish line in Hermann (my first 5k)  I cried like a baby.  I think they cry because they are in touch with their journey...who they were and who they are becoming. I didn't know that I could do it then...this time was different.  I had done it before and it was still hard, but if not for the cause, felt a bit "old hat".

From Left to right : Me (clipped with the, Tracy, Snoozy, Viceroy, and front and center is my cousin Jenn. (from whom I stole most of these pictures thanks to FACEBOOK [sorry can sue me if you like])  I also walked for my mother in law who is in remission and Jenn walked for her mother in law who is almost 5 years cancer free!  Somewhere floating around is a picture of me with my bestie at the finish and as soon as she feels "up to it"  I will!

I leave you with weight today...278.5 (thinking, I might be retaining water)  My outlook:  Grand.  I am a child of God and he continues to bless me. and finally....a picture confirming my step stats from yesterday...over 15,000!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Count Those Flags!

Yep....still no batteries.  No batteries = No weigh in...sorry folks!  Maybe later today.

Yesterday, I accomplished one of my long term goals and a goal that was slated for later this summer.  I went with the family to Six Flags.  I suppose that going there does not a goal meet, however...I did ride with my kids and not just the Colossus Ferris Wheel and Train.  I rode pretty much everything Autumn wanted to (that Jim would stay behind with Erica for)!  It had been over 12 years and I have learned that I am WAAAAAY more afraid of a lot of things than I was 12 years ago. 

This made me realize that I am ahead of all my major non scale victories by about a month this year!  I* completed a 5k in May and now this which wasn't even supposed to happen until my birthday!

Still no job.  Still no prospects of a job.  I am praying that something will become clear to me as I am starting to go a little stir crazy at home and I feel like a lot of LIFE is being wasted here. 

The heat in the STL is going a little crazy this week, but the pool is open so that got me moving on Friday. Then a practice walk/run for the Komen with my nephew yesterday netted me an early morning mile (blister concerns for him prompted and early end to our walk).  Spent the entire afternoon running around Six Flags in practically 100 degree heat...I'd say it's been an active weekend.  Today will start off with church and then my sister may be bringing her kids over to swim. 

No complaints though.  I am still very blessed.  A roof over my head, food on my table, the ability to walk!  Life is good!

Friday, June 3, 2011

Scale Batteries!

I am not playing with this stuff!  My scale goes through batteries like I used to go through a bag of potato chips. 

Over about two weeks time.    What did you think I was going to say?  LOL.  I weighed in yesterday at 273.8 and the scale is now non-functioning.  So more to come once I buy stock in Duracell.

I am doing well.  I love being with my kids, but the job search is still on! God has blessed us with a roof, food for our table, and despite a horrible round of  summer flu...our health. 

Off to spend the day with my kiddlies!  See ya soon!