Tuesday, August 31, 2010

On Your Worst Day

It has been one of those weeks...oh no...am I starting like this again? Oh well.

I had a total meltdown at work on Friday. Not really my fault, but I get so tired of people who think that just because they have a MANAGER behind their name means that they are somehow the "chosen", they can do no wrong. Or worse, they treat you like you are insignificant and you mean nothing. The latter sealed by tearful breakdown that ended up getting me sent home from work. WOO HOO!! FREE HALF DAY!!! If I had known that worked...well, I am sure too much of it would get me committed.

Despite my emotional breakdown, Friday was a good day for me. I left work, got a massage, picked up the kids from their various kept locations and went home to chill out. That's when it hit me. The full force of what three days in a row at the trainer can do to a body that is only working TOWARDS physical fitness. My abs were burning, my back was killing me. I could barely move. Then the doubt creeps in...how am I supposed to keep this up? How am I ever gonna continue to do this on my own. If I am going to see real true results, then I am going to have to work out EVERYDAY! How do I do this in this kind of pain?

Saturday morning...I wake up and do NOTHING. BOO! On Tuesday evening I am officially pissed at my weekend self. Jim starts in as the blind saboteur..."What do you think about going to Golden Corral tonight?" I am thinking..."We ARE supposed to have the nephews over tonight and it would be easier than ACTUALLY cooking and cleaning up after 5 kids" and part of me was also thinking..."POTATOES!!!Mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, FRENCH FRIED POTATOES" So, of course..."SURE" came right out of my mouth.

Saturday evening, Golden Corral. We had to take 2 cars. I took my youngest nephews and Erica with me. My nephew, Nathan and I have a very personal discussion about weight and it's effects on our lives. He's 11 and the conversation goes to very deep places. Places that at 35, I understand on the most basic of levels. I realize in that car, there will be no potatoes tonight. Tonight...I begrudgingly lead by example. I had a grilled chicken salad, followed by what will forever be known as the big plate of fart (Broccoli, Cauliflower, Brussel Sprouts, Watermelon, and peaches)...my nephews can attest...it not only lived up to it's name, but on an adolescent boy scale...I reached legendary proportions.

I promised to walk on Sunday..I faltered. I did do some time in the pool with laps, but not to the level I should have. Dinner on Sunday was grilled chicken breast from Subway, so at least I ate fresh, right?

Monday. While I did have a handful of fries with my bunless turkey burger...I DID rock the meal plan, but did not work out because I was "resting up" for my Tuesday appointment with the trainer.

I woke up Tuesday with a promise to be on my bestest behavior. The kids fought me to wake up and get dressed. Jim offered to be a sweetie and drop them off on the way to work. I got in my car only to fall victim to that darn throttle cable which slipped out and caused the engine to rev excessively. I was late for work. As a result...didn't get to go to lunch with the ladies which translated into fewer laughs and no commentary on the cafeteria people (to which we have determined that every person has a "trailer trash" doppelganger and they all eat here). Work dragged on. I, did not, under any circumstances, want to go to the trainer today.
Then it hit me...a few weeks ago when I was in my inspirational heyday, my bestest friend that anyone could have in the whole widest world, Amy(last time she felt slighted when I said she was a good friend) had decided to step up her journey and told me she didn't feel like going to the gym. I looked at her in all of my "Year of Courage" snideness and I said "If you can make it on your worst day, you know you will make it on your best."

It sucks to be forced into eating your own words, especially when I am not sure if they are on my meal plan.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Big News!!

12 lbs down!!! Can't hardly believe it! What am I saying? Of course I can believe it. I worked for each and everyone of those pounds. YEAH WOO HOO! I am really pleased with the results.

Three days of training in a row? Well, maybe not my favorite...I have been super sore for the last two days, but a heartbreaking conversation with my nephew is helping me with the courage to get up in the morning and take a walk and do the full workout. It was a private conversation and I PROMISED not to discuss it, so I will honor his request, but it was like every word he said to me was coming from me, only 3 weeks ago. All of my nieces and nephews are important to me, but Nathan and I always seem to have extremely deep conversations and I am always honored to know that he trusts me with his feelings.

I have been slacking this weekend, so I wanted to give an update, but I am T-I RED! More tomorrow.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Splurge and Purge

Good Lady Gaga, it has been one heckuva week already and it's only Wednesday!

To be honest I am completely overwhelmed this week. I kind of built up this expectation that this week was gonna be difficult and well....Good Lady Gaga.

I started my working with my personal trainer two weeks ago this last Tuesday. I am sooo much stronger and I have sooo much more energy, I could kick my own butt for not doing this sooner, but I am not quite that flexible...yet! Last week was kind of an easy week on the workout front because there was so much life happening. Autumn was starting school so there was orientation, open house, and well the whole first day of school incident that there was only time enough to schedule 1 visit with her and as you have previously read, I struggled on my own without those visits. At my workout last Wednesday, my trainer reminded me that I am on a 6 week plan which offers two appointments per week and since I was unable to use both appointments she offered to give me an extra one this week...ugh. I wanted to say "Aw...that's nice of you, but I'm ok...really.", but recognizing the importance of this opportunity, I agreed. I really didn't want to do it, but....I'm here in this place right now because of all the things I didn't want to do before...so, I summon my COURAGE and press on.

It has been on my mind since last Wednesday, completely psyching myself out...I scheduled my appointments on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I made a conscious decision not to blog about it until I saw myself on the other side of today, but then IT happened. Well, actually a series of IT's.

IT #1: I made spaghetti on Monday...a HUGE weakness of mine. I portioned it out, I tried to be good and I was...I ate what I was supposed to and I went about my night, but I was in the kitchen by myself and I don't know what was going on with me, but I saw what remained on my daughters plate and I picked it up with abandon and SCARFED it down, I keep hearing this weird noise and I figure that Jim is doing something outside and I try to ignore it in between fork trips to my mouth. Just when the haze of this situation starts to fade, I notice Jim peeking at me from the powder room with a "what the hell?" look on his face. Instant embarrassment which made the disappointment in myself even worse.

IT #2: In a moment of...well...I could say weakness, but this was almost conscious rebellion, I made a decision to eat whatever I wanted for lunch. I was looking for any reason for it to be ok for me to eat a burger and fries in that STUPID, STUPID cafeteria (the bane of my workplace existence). I made an announcement..."This is what I am doing, don't try to talk me out of it, I won't eat the bun and I won't eat cheese, but I am having that flippin burger and fries". Thankfully my friends talked me down from the ledge and said if you are going to eat something bad make it one thing and then eat everything else good. So begrudgingly, I ate a Turkey burger, no bun, french fries and a banana.

IT #3: This trainer that I have is super nice, but inside her is an evil, evil, did I mention EVIL fitness genius. She mixes it up and makes it fun, but she wears me out and makes me glad I called her at the same time. I have learned that I don't like to disappoint people and this ACTUALLY works in my favor when it comes to working out with her. It was rough today. Literally thought that I was not going to make it through and every move was a struggle. Every breath felt like it was my last, but again it is 90% mental. I made it through. I got her very pleased look and she told me that I did a really good job and then we exchanged pleasantries about seeing each other on Thursday and being 2/3's of the way through a three day in a row work out and I walked out the door. 2 steps away from my car and that is where IT happened...shouldn't have worried about those french fries because they met their ironic end right there in the parking lot between the training studio and Racanelli's. From this point on public puking will forever be known to me as "Racanelli".

The point of all this is to remind myself and you that I am human and I will make mistakes. I think the real goal is to try not to make those mistakes.

A really good friend of mine told me today that you have to work on it day by day and at the end of the day if the good outweighs the bad, then you have succeeded. I like that.

I also like that I have spent my entire marriage listening to my husband tell me to "hurry up","walk faster" and "try to keep up", but tonight after a trip to Wal-Mart he told me that he had to work to keep up with me because (in his words) " I was putting it on". He was right. I was putting it on and you know what? He better "put it on", because I am going to give him a run for his money!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Walk A Mile in My Shoes

This week is kind of like Biggest Loser Week 2.

This is where the real work begins, only I thought I started already. I was wrong. Week one leaves you feeling over confident. Look what I can do! I lost 7 pounds. I am amazing. I am here to tell you folks, I am not amazing! I am not even semi-spectacular. I am a 35 year old woman that hit a low this week and struggled to keep her head above water. The kicker...I somehow made it through to the other side.

It's like anything else. In week one, everything is new and exciting and your confidence is bolstered. In week two, you are the problem. Just like you were up until week one. You know what needs to be done, you did it the week before, but your old mind set tries to finagle it's way in and it's easy because it's familiar.

It started as an excuse. I was injured, albeit a minor injury, but it felt like I collapsed a lung. I could only make one training appointment last week with Autumn starting school and I took a day to spend with Erica since there had been so much recent focus on Autumn. It was easy to NOT work out. Then Saturday came. I took my position on the wall and began my side leg lift reps and then my wall push-ups. I sat on the ball and thought about lifting weights, but my back and side were killing me. Well, KILLING me is kind of a strong word. Being a writer is a dangerous thing. I can usually find the right words to say, to convince others, to convince myself, but words are not getting weight off my body. Words have done nothing for me at this point in my life. Strangely enough, I can write a million words, but having the courage to use them when I need to, well...that's a journey that goes far beyond this blog.

There was such an odd beginning to Sunday. I woke up around 6:30, perused the life that was spent on Facebook while I slept and around 7:00 am I started to get this feeling. I really needed to workout today. I REALLY didn't want to. I thought about starting with the leg lifts again, but I saw myself stopping right at the same point I did Saturday. So I thought some more...I thought about going into the basement and riding the stationary bike, but I just couldn't see me spending any real time on it, I KNEW that I was doomed to fail. I thought about taking a walk and I chuckled to myself, as anyone who truly knows me knows that I HATE..HATE..HATE..to walk.

Walking hits me on every personal weakness that I have. It sounds so stupid, but if I walk someplace, I have to walk back. I have to be able to physically get myself back. I have to depend on me. Hmmm...what's that about?

Going back to my "YEAR OF COURAGE" (It sounds so possible in caps, dontcha think?). I decided that walking was the only way that I was going to get it done for the very reasons listed above. If I was going to walk...I had to bring myself back. I had to push myself to do it and follow through and reach the goal. I strapped on my shape ups, let the dog out to walk with me, secured my iPod and was on my way. I walked about a half mile down the road and then I walked myself back. Then I did my circuit that I run with my trainer, and did 50 laps around the pool.

Today, I am 299 lbs. I have lost two more pounds and on a country road somewhere in rural Missouri, I may have dropped some baggage. If you find it, please...forget to tell me.

Friday, August 20, 2010

In The Wee Hours of Morning

It's approximately 4:30 am. I am up and I am blogging. I normally get up at 4am to get ready for work, so I guess I slept in. The worst part...I am on vacation. I had trouble sleeping all night last night despite being wiped out by the emotions of yesterday. The two things that are still keeping me from sleeping. Aching muscles and my daughter's first day of school.

My second actual workout with my personal trainer and I am wrecked. I worked out hard and I am seeing the results in continuing muscle definition. It is as addictive as FARMVILLE. You may laugh, but I kid you not. I know they say it is bad because it is discouraging, but I step on the scale everyday. I want to see what's going on, keeps reminding me that I need to "tend my crops". The weight fluctuation keeps me grounded and when I can see a trending downward and I know that I have done the right things, I never get defeated by that upswing due to water retention or whatever. I love the increase in energy and the stress reduction that comes from being active. I love not being afraid to go to the mall because I am afraid that I will run out of energy and I love not being afraid to plan things with my daughters for the same reason. As a matter of fact, Erica and I have a day together all by ourselves. I am thinking about enjoying the fabulosity known as the St. Louis Zoo this morning. It's free and chasing a 3 yr old around it should be quite the work out.

I am still aching quite a bit from Wednesday workout though. In my back and sides. I need to let my trainer know because I have a three day workout schedule next week and I am not sure that I can survive that and this kind of pain. This also means that I think I am going to have to limit my home workouts to the pool, providing I do not feel better in the next day or so. Keeping active in some way is so important when taking advantage of this opportunity with a trainer. Finding a gym that is convenient for me when the trainer is gone is my next task. What's that saying? "Lack of proper planning leads to piss poor performance"? Scott? Can you help me out here?

The meal plan is going well though. I have been asked by several people about my meal plan and while I am no trainer or nutritionist I thought giving an insight to what I am eating might be helpful, so I started "Tweeting what I'm eating" I let you know exactly what I am eating. You can follow me @lifeinblubber on Twitter for up to the minute details of what and how I am fueling my body. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA still sounds funny to me, but whateve..

On to more pressing matters, My little Autumnpotamus' first day of school. (for future reference, I have MANY annoying nicknames for my children)It was all planned out, which was probably my first error. Jim was going to take Erica to the sitter and I was going to let Autumn sleep in and wake her up gingerly, feed her a good breakfast, spend time talking with her while we got her ready for her first day, then drive her to the daycare center where she will normally catch the bus all while documenting the entire experience on film. Um yeah..didn't happen that way. I woke her up, she was crabby. She quickly got over it once she realized that she was going to school. She didn't like the lunch that I toiled over, she wanted to buy her lunch the first day. I gave in. (it's the first day, right?) We get her ready, she slept funny all night so she had a large matted knot of hair right in front of her face, so despite every attempt known to man she ended up with a 1980s "poof". I made her wet her entire head, but no matter what I did, she still looked a bit unkempt. I left the house at 6:45 am and drove 15 minutes to meet the bus at daycare, the bus comes at 7:20. I wanted her to be early so I could take pictures of her on her fist day and pics of her getting on the bus. By 7:30 the daycare workers noticed us "playing Project Runway" and finally told me that the school bus sheet was wrong and the bus came at 6:56. I now have less than 30 minutes to get the most excited girl in the world to school on time and school is 30 minutes away. I shut the door and immediately started bawling my eyes out. I just kept thinking "I ruined the whole thing". Her little hand reached out and said, "It's ok Mama..you didn't know." :( I had to suck it up. It's not her job to console me. (but I am glad she tried.) Thankfully God and traffic were on my side. I get her to school with time to spare, explained what happened to the teacher and took her to the gym to line up with her class. I feel the hot tears coming on when she looks me with terrified eyes and says "Mama, please don't leave me here alone". As bad as this sounds, my hand to God, it's the truth. I pointed at her line, said "Hey, isn't that Adam?" and while she was distracted I bolted out the door. I cried all the way out and in the car. I felt like I was putting her up for adoption or something. I fought with temptation all day because of it.

My trainer told me that there are three reasons that we eat. 1. We're hungry
2. We're bored and 3. We are filling a void. The best advice she has given me is to say when we start looking for something to eat to ask ourselves, "Is it time to eat?" and then "What just happened?". The point of this is to force ourselves to identify the moments that we are "emotional eating" and to find other ways to comfort ourselves.

By the way, Autumn had a good first day of school. I was so excited to hear all about everything she learned. She told me "We played outside and in PE we just did push ups, which I HATE." Me too, baby...Me too.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


Today Marked the beginning of my second week with the trainer and my meal plan. The official tally at the gym was 7 lbs. lost. That is amazing to me. I am super excited and pumped for more although the workout was much harder for me today. I still powered through and came out ALIVE on the other side. I have decided that I already know how people on the Biggest Loser feel when they are afraid to go home. I am already concerned about what happens to me in 4 weeks when I no longer have a trainer. Will I be able to do it myself? I want to. I want to say yes more than anything, but there goes my notoriously bad self esteem again...sneaky little...
This is also my self saboteur in full on recon mode. I am my biggest obstacle.

The thoughts of that are scary and I have to admit they are definitely triggering my emotional eating. I have not been defeated by temptation yet, but it's there..on my shoulder throwing it's taunts. I think that means I HAVE to stay in tonight. In the big scary world of Wal-Mart or Walgreens it's hard to say no. At home, I am safe. I did the shopping this weekend so there is not a scrap of junk food in this house.

Another first that has me teetering on the edge of a fantasy land filled with baked goods is my daughters first day of school. I can not believe all of the unknowns. Will she be ok? Will she cry? I work full time so my kids have always gone to a sitter, but my sitter NEVER traveled with my kids. This is the first time I will be dropping her off at daycare and leaving her in someone else's care who will be placing her on a bus to be transported into someone else's care and then the whole thing in reverse. This is where the Amish have one over on me. They may not have electric, but they are secure in knowing the location of their children. I try so hard not to let her see my concern and my trepidation because I want her to walk in there with confidence, ready to take on the world. I always want her to believe in herself and know that she is strong and capable. I want her to love herself and feel love from others. I can look out for dangers at home. I can kiss her face when she is hurt, but school is the one place that I can not protect her. I will not be there with her to tell her that it is ok when other kids think she talks to much or a group of kids tell her that Hannah Montana is so pre-school and she thinks she's the greatest and I can not wipe away the pain of things that she will start to keep from me. My biggest fear is that she will end up like me in that way. I can only offer her my ear and a trusting environment to be honest and one in which I hope she believes me when I tell her she is the most fantastic thing with which I have ever been entrusted. She will always be my chunky Chinese snowman(even if it seems politically incorrect)! Good Luck Autumn, Mommy loves you more than you will ever know.

My Meal Plan...Inspiration for healthy meals as I "Tweet what I Eat" on Twitter @lifeinblubber

Monday, August 16, 2010

Training Day!

I was confident all day. I was walking tall and I like to think it had nothing to do with the fact that my Skecher Shape ups make me two and a half inches taller than I normally am. I felt good though. I was excited to start my bi-weekly trips to see my trainer. The fitness assessment had gone so well, this was going to be a cinch.

Life has a way of snatching me out of fantasy land and pushing me out of the plan without a parachute to land head first into reality.

I was ready to go. I changed into my workout clothes 10 minutes before the end of my work shift. 3:15 and I start to make my way across the parking lot. August in St. Louis, 100 degrees, but it feels like 115. By the time I get to my car. My clothes are practically drenched. I get the to the studio and the lights are out, the doors are locked. Ok...I guess I will wait.

I laugh at myself. Why am I so impatient? She'll get here. I'll work out. Then I'll go home and swim. I mean, I will be able to do more than just her workout. I am stronger than I think I am....remember? My trainer shows up and we go inside.

We discuss my meal plan. We discuss keeping a food journal (I've been advised that this is necessary, but believe me...this is a special kind of evil). Then we weigh in. No big deal. I weigh in all the time now. I know exactly what to expect. I couldn't have been more surprised to hear her say 308. Um...excuse me...is that my locker combination?



ok...I can contemplate that number all day. The number that has now all but crushed my spirits. I thought I was going to cry. Completely mortified and and despondent, I walk into the training area..where she handed me my ass.

On a platter. She kicked my butt in 30 minutes. I barely put up a fight. HOWEVER...I made it through. I drove home and promptly fell asleep for about an hour.

I woke up the next morning and got ready for work and as I am getting ready I notice that I already feel stronger. I have only had my fitness assessment which was like my training session at 60% and then the training, but my "core" feels tighter. I feel like my legs are carrying me with an ease I don't remember experiencing before. More than anything...I FEEL FANTASTIC!

This feeling has been with me all week. It was with me on Friday when I came home from work and walked 40 laps around the pool,did more strengthening excercises with the kettlebells, and used the bands. It was with me Saturday when I did 30 minutes on the bike and then spent the day bowling with my family. I am energized. I see and feel myself getting stronger and I love it!

I am sure that there will be struggles, I am sure that there will be days that I will need to push myself to move forward, and I am sure there will be days when I just won't do it.

I am 1 week in and I am down 6.5 pounds. The goal is to keep moving forward. What are your goals? What steps are you taking to achieve them?

Friday, August 13, 2010


I have started this entry five times now. I keep wanting to say that "words can not express how I feel", but it seems a tad contrived especially since I am expressing myself with words. Those of you who know me well, know that I tend to hinge on logical forms of speech and, well, what is good for the goose is good for the gander, I suppose.

I had planned to sit down tonight and fill you in on my progress (and I am happy to report, there IS progress) and tell you about my first official day in the gym with my trainer. I can never remember that saying about best laid plans, but I am sure it applies here. I have decided NOT to do that tonight. I promise I will later on this weekend, but I have something more important tonight.

This last week, I have received an outpouring of support so great that I would be remiss if I did not mention it. I was contacted by SO many people both on the blog, privately, and some in person all thanking me for what I am doing here. I suppose it is kind of gutsy, but believe me...I need this as much as anyone. I need to document this. I go back to it all the time.

I think about it when I am trying to convince myself that it is ok to just grab something to eat on the way home. I think about it when I get home and think I will skip the pool workout and just veg on the couch with the kids and lose myself in some "reality" television (scripted tv is so 1980). You have all given me a new level of accountability that I never expected. Thank you!

I am human and I will have mis-steps and I may reach out for support to help me pull through, but I will promise to always be honest here. It is so important that we are honest with people and show them our true selves. I have often hidden myself and my feelings away, trying to convince people that I am proud of who I am and that my physical being doesn't matter, but in reality I was trying to convince myself.

My journey is as much about showing myself that I can commit to something that scares the bejesus out of me (writing on a regular basis) as it is about my weight loss. Thank you for sharing in my journey. Please continue to keep me apprised of yours, whether it is losing weight, changing something that you don't like about yourself, or chasing a dream that you thought was lost.

I have spent so much of my life trying to jump the gun and say what others were thinking about me before they could say it, and being angry at them for it, I never stopped to imagine that others could relate so closely.

I am truly blessed!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Strength and Courage

It's funny how everything has been working out lately. In a lot of ways it's almost like this isn't my life. I have been trying to change directions. You know, focus on things that are important to me for once.

It started with the realization that when I quit smoking I accomplished something amazing. I fought, struggled, and continue to beat something that people struggle with everyday. It's something I should be proud of, but like anything else it becomes part of life. My accomplishments seem to bleed into the day to day of taking care of the family, going to work, and the basic grooming needed everyday to pass as a human being. You forget the struggles that got you where you are because you are focused in the struggles of where you are going.

In a very rare moment alone, I stood in the Writing and Publishing section of my local Barnes and Noble looking for some kind of workbook or book of "jumping off points" to spur my creative juices. Cue the Angels singing and bright light. It almost jumped off the shelf at me. It was called "Courage to Write". I have been in this section MANY, MANY times and I can almost guarantee it had never been there before. It was destined to be owned by me. At least as destined as $14.95 plus tax can make it. I opened the first page and there alone was every penny's worth of knowledge. It basically said that writing as well as any creative endeavor is deeply personal. It's not like filling the fry box at McDonald's or filing some pointless Act of God accident claim. It's like baring my soul to my reader and then giving you a sheepish smile and saying "I hope you like it" and at the same time being sure that you won't because I have notoriously bad self-esteem.

This is still like my aha moment. It's not brazen and bold yet, but it's still there quiet and nagging...aha. I like the idea that someone else has felt that. Not only that SOMEONE felt that, but someone courageous enough to write a book about it and gutsy enough to convince someone to publish it and poignant enough to reach me in my favorite aisle of Barnes and Noble.

The idea of being courageous is an eye opener to me. I thought about my life and really started to note all the courageous things I have done recently. I had the courage to quit smoking, I find the courage to update you all on my progress and let you see my lowest lows and hopefully my highest highs. I had the courage to tell you all exactly how much I weigh.

I made a decision that 2010 is my year of courage. I need to be courageous enough to really focus on my weight loss.

I hear it everyday. I say it everyday. "I would like to do...but" I would like to write, but it's so loud and I have so much to do around the house. I would like to lose weight, but I live 45 minutes away from any real civilization and my kids have to be picked up at a certain time and blah, blah, blah... It dawned on me while listening to someone else do this same thing that it was less about figuring out a way to do it and more about listing my excuses to convince myself and to get you
(the collective you) to agree with me and say, "Yeah...I wish it was easier for you, buck up." That thought made me really sad. I do not want to make excuses, nothing is accomplished with excuses.

I made my next courageous decision. I called a personal trainer. I discussed my options with her and got a feel for who she was and told her that I needed to discuss it with my husband.

I sat Jim down and I told him that I have worked really hard to make things easier for him and in the process have complicated myself. This is no longer a partnership, but one person bearing the responsibility and the other living the high life. I told him that I needed HIM to buck up and do the hard inconvenient thing for once and help me with the kids in the afternoons so that I can focus on losing weight and being healthy. I was surprised to hear him say "Whatever you need" without skipping a beat. I am still kind of flabbergasted, but I wasn't going to question it.

I didn't have to call her back, she called me first thing Monday morning and before I knew it, I was making an appointment for a Fitness Assessment the following day.

That was yesterday. I went to see her directly from work for my Fitness Assessment. She put me on a 1500 calorie meal plan and on to test my physical abilities. I did not expect to do well. I am obviously out of shape, turns out that all the work I have been doing in the pool with the kettlebells have already started to pay off as she actually increased the weights twice so I did my assessment with 8 pound weights!!!!

There is something to be said about working with a trainer because I have tried alone and have faltered. It's about being accountable to someone else and for me it was a little bit of a pride thing. There were times I wanted to quit and say I can not do this, but I did not want to give her what you expect from the fat chick. I wanted to show her that I wanted to be there and I had every intention and desire to do what she wanted me to do.

At the end of my assessment she said to me, "Great Job! You are stronger than you think you are." Not stronger than she thought I was, but stronger than I thought I was. She was right.

Here's the deal.. I have signed up and I am ready to make this happen. I go back tomorrow. I hope you all continue to give me your support and follow my journey and I would love to hear about yours. My next courageous task is that I am actually posting my BEFORE pictures here and hope to update them periodically. There is nothing that anyone can say that I haven't heard or thought before.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Weekend Update with Christie

Good News First!!! Down 4 lbs. Admittedly only minor dieting this week, but with the exception of a major KFC downfall, I have tried to be a good girl. I still had a couple of burgers in the work cafe this week which makes me think that I may have to make a strong effort to avoid the location altogether. I have been going there for a long time for companionship with the ladies at work, but I could bring my lunch everyday and potentially eat there anyway because some awful concoction I would never make at home is calling my name. I just made myself a little sick saying that..mainly because I was imagining a country fried steak covered in white gravy romantically asking me to come hither. I realize that was a nasty thing to share, but...I'm a giver.

On to my new Shape-Ups. Skecher Shape ups!!!! Get some. They are AWESOME!!!! I love them. They have specific instructions that come with them and as with anything else I refuse to follow them. They advise that for the first two weeks you should not wear them for more than 30-45 minutes at a time. I bought them on Friday and went for an all day shopping trip with my mom on Saturday. (I brought extra shoes in case I NEEDED to change them) I never changed my shoes. I kept them on the entire day. I would get a twinge of strain in my legs from time to time, but I gave myself the Jillian Michaels "You're not gonna die" speech and...I did not die. I was out from about 8am til about 7pm and I came home and felt fine. I took them off and sat down and within an hour....I hit the wall at 60 mph. My legs felt fine, but my entire upper body ached. Everyone thought I was crazy. I have continued to wear them as much as possible. They really force you to stand in corrected posture and they are so easy on my joints, however...I have only had them for a week, but for now...I am a believer.

My dad was here and left on Wednesday. It was great to see him, even though I barely spoke to him. It wasn't like a conscious effort. It was just with everyone here and him working, I only had time to give him trouble about his desire to grow a ponytail. This blog is not about middle aged men and their hair, so I will leave at a strong threat to put him in a home and give him a side pony. My stepmom was fantastic and I think she had a really great time bonding with the kids and I know they missed them when they left. She also brought my niece with them from Nevada, which was nice. Trinity is a very sweet little girl and she and Autumn got along wonderfully.

It was a pretty eventful week with family here, but with the exception at the hands of the Colonel and those damn burgers in the cafe, it's been a good food week. I have struggled with my brain telling me that I can treat myself to a cupcake. I was so close to buying it, but it's a slippery slope my friends. This is one area that is really hard for me because I make notoriously poor food choices.

I have so much more to say about this week, but no time left to do it in right now, so I will end here and I promise to write more later today or tomorrow in regards to my food revelation and my possible search for a personal trainer.