New Beginnings?

Tomorrow I am having Laproscopic Sleeve Gastrectomy.


I am a jumbled mix of excitement and nerves, but I am mostly at peace with my decision.


I have an amazing support system and while as I mentioned, there are some naysayers, my world is almost overwhelmingly positive, so thank you for that.


As I have addressed here before, I am an analyzer.  I really look into the heart of a person and see what they are truly about and I like to believe that I surround myself with generally good people.  Sure, some are catty...myself included sometimes, but it's a fun catty. (Ok, Ok, there's no such thing, we're working on it, ok?)


I've heard a lot about tomorrow and my new beginning.  It's all out of kindness and I don't want to sound at all ungrateful for the well wishes, but where did this idea come from?  This new beginning?


Sure, it all sounds great, right? 


Starting over?  Clean slate?


With all due respect, nothing about tomorrow is a clean slate.  I will not go under the knife tomorrow and wake up with a whole new body that allows me to start living the life I've always wanted.  What happens tomorrow won't remove all this extra weight in and of itself.  It will not change a minute, a word  It won't erase the fact that I haven't actively pursued a writing career.  It won't erase not even one of my 41 years.  It won't change anything, but the size of my stomach. 


If there is or was a new beginning to any of this it happened in April when I made the decision to pursue the operation.


Nothing about this is easy.


 You think it's easy?  Go on a 9 day liquid diet followed by two more weeks of a liquid diet.


This is not a new beginning, it's a different opportunity.  It's seeing the two roads diverge in the woods and taking the road that has a more direct path at being less morbidly obese.


This is a chance at being different.


All this does is mentally even my playing field.  It gives me the idea that I have a fighting chance and provides me with a weapon in my arsenal that I've never had before.


Tomorrow, when I come out of anesthesia...I will still be me. 


I will always still be me.


See you on the flip.