Tuesday, October 25, 2016

New Beginnings?

Tomorrow I am having Laproscopic Sleeve Gastrectomy.

I am a jumbled mix of excitement and nerves, but I am mostly at peace with my decision.

I have an amazing support system and while as I mentioned, there are some naysayers, my world is almost overwhelmingly positive, so thank you for that.

As I have addressed here before, I am an analyzer.  I really look into the heart of a person and see what they are truly about and I like to believe that I surround myself with generally good people.  Sure, some are catty...myself included sometimes, but it's a fun catty. (Ok, Ok, there's no such thing, we're working on it, ok?)

I've heard a lot about tomorrow and my new beginning.  It's all out of kindness and I don't want to sound at all ungrateful for the well wishes, but where did this idea come from?  This new beginning?

Sure, it all sounds great, right? 

Starting over?  Clean slate?

With all due respect, nothing about tomorrow is a clean slate.  I will not go under the knife tomorrow and wake up with a whole new body that allows me to start living the life I've always wanted.  What happens tomorrow won't remove all this extra weight in and of itself.  It will not change a minute, a word  It won't erase the fact that I haven't actively pursued a writing career.  It won't erase not even one of my 41 years.  It won't change anything, but the size of my stomach. 

If there is or was a new beginning to any of this it happened in April when I made the decision to pursue the operation.

Nothing about this is easy.

 You think it's easy?  Go on a 9 day liquid diet followed by two more weeks of a liquid diet.

This is not a new beginning, it's a different opportunity.  It's seeing the two roads diverge in the woods and taking the road that has a more direct path at being less morbidly obese.

This is a chance at being different.

All this does is mentally even my playing field.  It gives me the idea that I have a fighting chance and provides me with a weapon in my arsenal that I've never had before.

Tomorrow, when I come out of anesthesia...I will still be me. 

I will always still be me.

See you on the flip.

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Save The Date

October 26, 2016

This is officially the date that I will undergo the surgery that I pray will be the tool that helps me to change my life.

I get a lot of questions about the procedure I am having, so click the link to find out all about Laparoscopic Sleeve Gastrectomy.  The link takes you directly to my surgeon's website.

This date is tentative pending the cooperation of my physician's office getting their crap together and faxing over a medical clearance for surgery.  A document that should be no problem, but thanks to a certain Medical Assistant in my primary's office it may take an act of God, but I digress.  Only good thoughts, right?

I officially start the process on the 21st, starting a 5 day full liquid diet.  My heart is thinking about starting it on the 17th.  I know that when it is all said and done I'll be OVER the whole liquid diet thing soon enough.

I have an amazing support system and I am so grateful for them all.  I also have some conscientious objectors.  People who like or love me that are concerned about what is going to happen.  People who are basing their opinions on what happened to so and so's cousin when they had surgery 15 years ago.  This is not your mama's gastric bypass surgery or "stomach stapling".  I fully believe through the research that I have done that this is a safer option than the actual bypass surgery which was available 20 years ago.  Not just from a surgical, but from a quality of life standpoint.

Regardless, this leg of the journey is just about to begin...

Friday, October 7, 2016

It's really happenening...

Like for real.

The insurance company approval came in yesterday.

Well, here's the real scoop...

A friend of mine was encouraging me to call the insurance company to see if it was approved.  I was hesitant because when it comes to something that is really important to me...I am a rule follower and they told me 30 days.  She is a nurse and she advised me that patients do this all the time and that it really was not a big deal.  So, reluctantly...I called.

I was approved for surgery.  Yay!


hrmpf...  Now WHEN is this happening??

I told myself that I would remain calm and give the Dr. time to receive the info before I followed up with them, but my anxiety got the better of me and I called them.  They had not received the information and I was told that they will likely call me on the same day that I receive approval letter from the insurance company.

More waiting, followed by...the approval letter in my mailbox when I got home last night.

So now, I'm waiting on this dang phone call. Experiencing a crazy mix of giddiness, anxiety, and sheer terror.  Doing everything in my power to not pick up the phone and be pushy.  To not be the heifer that calls relentlessly and nags them to schedule my surgery.  I know the deal.  You should be kind to everyone, but Especially kind to servers and medical providers.  #TrueStory

So, I guess I'll let you know when I know...

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Here. We. Go.

Last Tuesday I had my last appointment with the surgeon. 

I was apprehensive because I spent a lot of last month having "last" times.  I REALLY TRIED TO BE BETTER, but it's hard.  Especially when all of those who are supporting you, don't realize how detrimental "last" times can be.  In all fairness, I had planned some "last" times of my own.

Despite all of this, I still lost a pound last month, which was all I needed to do to get the green light from the Dr. and the paperwork submitted to the insurance company.

Now we wait. 

The only thing we know for sure is that it is happening.  Sooner, rather than later.

I did select the gastric sleeve and I have been busy trying to prepare.  I purchased all the vitamins that I will need for the first month.  I've been making sure that I have access to plenty of protein shakes and powders for the first few weeks, as well as trying things like "Mush" Soup and Leek Soup that I can eat once I come off clear liquids.

Most days I'm mostly certain that this is the right decision.  Others, well...

I need it, though.

I feel like it's really my last chance to live a different life.

I read a lot about after surgery.  It's scary, but it really makes you take a hard look at how food focused your life can be.  I really didn't see myself as a food focused person, but sitting on this side of facing at least 3 and a half weeks of liquids only, I have found myself crying over my future lack of food.  What I may never eat again...


How privileged am I that this is even a fleeting thought for me?  All will be well. 

My main concerns focus around what I read about relationships, though.  I worry about friends who have maybe subconsciously given me the "fat girl" role in their lives and won't be able to figure out where I fit in otherwise.  I worry about my bigger friends and family and how they will feel and react when I am different, like I can't understand their world anymore.  ( I will always understand).  And, of course, I worry about the hubster, he's my jam.  He's the Andy to my Raggedy Ann, the Bert to my Ernie.  I have loved that man since I set eyes on him and I could lose every ounce of extra weight on my body and it would all be for nought if I lost him.  We've talked about it and he laughed.  He said, "I'm pretty easy going."  and he is.

The doc says the insurance can take up to 30 days, then surgery would be about two weeks out from then.  I'll keep you posted.