Thanks so much for the out pouring of love and support with my last post. You guys are AWESOME. A lot of you really grabbed on to my "being overly sensitive". It seemed to have struck a nerve with some of you. It really made me think.
Darla said "Never apologize for being the real you. That's the you I like. I wish I could cuddle the little girl in you and make it all better. And I bet you're not "overly sensitive." That is usually a technique that people or bullies use to allow themselves to behave badly"
This really struck a chord with me. Especially since the bully in this scenario is me. I am the one who invalidates my feelings. I am the one who feels these things soo deeply and then I tell myself I have no right to feel them. I can't catch a break and I won't give myself one either. I am surrounded by loving and supportive people who aren't perfect (just like me). I can love them and appreciate them for who they are and give them a shoulder, a kind word, the shirt off my back....but I feel bad letting myself feel anything like anger or hurt. If I am hurt...I must've created the situation. How effed up is that?
On an up note...I ended up playing an hour of Just Dance 2 yesterday 30 minutes with my oldest and 30 minutes by myself (after she went to bed). I caught the hubby peeking through the crack between the frame and the door. He laughed and said that it looked like I was having a good time. I REALLY WAS. I have to admit....I was ALWAYS a real "In The Groove" fan (like Dance, Dance, Revolution, but with better music and graphics). Even at 308 lbs. I would take on the young kids at the arcade. I am actually fairly good at the lower to medium levels and even on some advanced songs, I can still hang . Just Dance is considerably different because it involves a total body workout which according to my fitbit is a fairly good workout!
Foodwise, I am on the right track. I really feel together. My history would predict that it means I am on the brink of losing sight of my goals and living in dietary "anything goes-land", but the difference today is that I am actually paying attention to my history and triggers. I am more determined than ever to achieve this goal for me.
Don't forget....Tomorrow..12:00pm Central is the deadline for posting your comments to my 100th post
:0) nice to meet you, i knew you were here all along.
ReplyDeleteChristie, you know better than most that we ourselves are our own worst critics and sometimes even enemies. At one point in time or another we have all told ourselves that we have no right to feel what we are feeling or think the way we are thinking, but in all actuality we have every right. You have to take a step back and look at your life from an outside point of view sometimes and say wow I am a really great and awesome person and this is what everyone else sees of me too! I love you so much and I have been there too. I have taken this as my moto as of late... God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change, the COURAGE to change the things I can, and the WISDOM to know the difference. You are one of the best role models a girl could have growing up!
ReplyDeleteI bet the Just Dance brought your spirits up. That is so interesting about the "bully." I too have been the bully to myself and I have said, "You're too sensitive," to myself as well. But we do have the right to feel what we feel. It reminds me of how I let go of letting myself feel hungry. I thought I'd never get that feeling back again, but hunger has poked its head up every once in awhile. I guess through all the yakking what I am trying to say is we should trust our feelings. Love ya, Christie.
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