Life Inside the Blubber Sarcophagus: Last Weeks Challenge and UGH!

Last weeks challenge was not a bust, but it wasn't great either!

I was able to do my water all days. I was able to do my hip lifts all days. I was able to stay within my calories all days except for Friday. Friday was horrible! I blame Laura...just kidding Laura! However...I could've and should've had the willpower to say that I WOULD NOT eat Pizza Hut Buffet for lunch, but I didn't. Let me tell you folks....no good can come from Pizza Hut Buffet. I just stepped on the scale for giggles and well....NO GOOD. Not bad necessarily, but not good.

As you know, I spent last week recovering from what felt like the illness of the century. On top of that, the St. Louis area seems to be getting hit by snow storm after snow storm, after well...you know how it goes. My daughter has missed so much school due to weather that soon enough they will have missed so many days that they have almost reached the cap that all students strive for...miss so many days that you no longer have to make them up. What kind of crap is that?...make them up...lol.

oh and guess what??? She has strep again. Took her to Urgent Care again today and confirmed it..

Speaking of the snow...I live in a fairly rural area. I live approximately 40 miles from work and basically 30 miles away from any REAL civilization, so snow and no school basically means no work for me either which is creating a cluster on my desk at work. In any other time of my life I would have told my hubby he had to suck it up and get the kids and I would work overtime, but now I get...well what happens if a job comes in? How did I get here again? How did I get to the point that other people's stuff is mucking up the works? I know it's happening...I see it happening.

I sat down to blog tonight, I had a whole mock up going on in my head and I was ready to lay it down like I was channeling Shakespeare or something and as I reach for the computer, my husband says...are you getting ready to work on that small business loan application? So for two hours, I wrote a business plan. I didn't finish it, but I started it. I find my personal self withering away in the bolstering of another person's success. I will not allow this to happen. It's frustrating because I think it makes me feel like I am being selfish. I am not being selfish. Or am I? I don't mean to be.

They say that in marriage you are two people working towards a common goal, but what if one person doesn't care about the other person's goals and just keeps creating goals and treating the other person's aspirations as if they were were unattainable, but the other person is only attaining their goals because they have the powerhouse backing of the other? Holy run on sentence! The powerhouse is breaking down people. It makes me angry that sometimes I say I am not going to help him if he doesn't start giving a crap about what I want in my life, but then everything that he does is so all or nothing that if it fails it means total and utter financial devestation, so I feel like I can not let it fail. Don't get me wrong...I love my hubby....I do, but I guess I am having a mid life crisis because I keep asking myself if this is what life is supposed to be like? I'm constantly asking if this is what God wanted for my life? Abject suffering? A crappy childhood, a crappy life filled with addiction and addictive personalities? What the heck was that all about? Sorry for the rant....anger and writing does not become me.

On the flippy...this weekend was my nephew Nicholas' 17th birthday and he's a pretty cool dude. He is the first person that I have seen grow from a fetus to practically adulthood that I ddin't live in the same house with and that is pretty wild! He will go far in his life and as long as he does the best that he can...I will always be proud of him!