Monday, January 2, 2012

Pressed Between The Pages of My Mind

Sweet Memories.

There are three things you must know about me (if you don't already):

1. Rainy days and Mondays, always get me down. (and a whole host of other things)
2. I love going to Graceland for more than the fantabulously crazy people watching, despite my assertion that its the ONLY reason I like going there.
3. Over thinking things and being my own worst enemy are my number #1 and #2 problems...not necessarily in that order.

When I started this journey, nearly two and a half years ago, I definitely did not expect to be at, virtually the same starting point.  In my very first post, July 2009, I wrote :

"My struggles with weight loss are not unlike those that you have heard before, but I will relay them anyway... Gain weight, lose weight, gain weight, get gym membership, lose weight, sister loses car and needs ride to work, no time to go to gym, lose gym membership, gain weight, go to dr., get put on meds to help lose weight, fight with husband, flush pills that cause me to be irritable down the toilet, gain weight...pretend I am not fat, look in the mirror...write blog about being a fat ass."

All I see now are excuses and someone who is extremely hard on themselves feigning honesty behind a cloak of judgement. So, how am I different now?  I recognized the problems, stopped using them to disguise my laziness, and formulated a plan that helped me to be successful with becoming a non-smoker. 

But here I am,two and a half years later...

same place?

Physically...yes and no.  My weight may be nearly the same, but my head is in a different space.  I have learned a lot about health and nutrition.  I have made some permanent life changes,

This year, I am participating in a Lose Big competition with my family and friends.  I weighed in yesterday at 304 lbs.  See...I told you 4 lbs away from my all time high.  There are those out there who are in the same weight range...its not like my weight alone would qualify me for my own TLC special or anything, but it practically should.  304 is a lot.  304 on a 5' 1" frame might as well be 500 lbs.  It presents the same physical manifestation as someone who weighs a lot more anyway.

Today has been a good day so far. 32 oz of water already in.  I have consumed 234 calories today and I have a BMR+ burn of around 1500.  It should actually be higher, but I can't find my fitbit to provide a more accurate #. 

2012 is the year I do this thing. 

To start off the year...I really want to throw some love to some of my biggest blogger support.  Check them out.  They are all in different phases, but these are my go to chicas...

Chubby McGee

Ash (though she is focused on something more important than weight loss lately!)




There are many, many more  perhaps I will add an additional one per post, but I most closely identify with these ladies and some of them have been VERY supportive of me and I hope they feel that I have tried to be supportive TO them.

Some of you know that writing is a PASSION of mine, so I wanted to let you know that I have started a couple of other blogs and we'll see how long I keep them,  I have decided to write a Biggest Loser Season 14 recap blog that also includes my ramblings in letter form to the trainers.  If you are can read Dear Bob and Dolvett or you can view my "picture a day" project called Photographically Speaking I hope you enjoy them...or not...LOL!

Today's Spark:  Putting focus on me...makes me happy.  (That sentence is waaaaay different than it used to be)


  1. Thanks for the shout out...I love feeling that people here are real..and that I am part of their road as they are part of mine and this is most certainly true of you x
    I will cheer you on every step of the way. I to have tried and failed, tried and failed and then something happened that meant I changed and tried and succeeded ( see todays post) I know that we are all so very different and having not succeeded at anytime in the past does NOT mean you will not succeed today. You can succeed. X I can't wait to cheer you along the road in 2012

  2. I can relate to the number 3, lets work on that for 2012! Be positive. Be determined. Take care.

  3. Hey Christie,
    Thanks so much for the mention in your Blog. I'm so glad that you feel the support that I have tried, and will continue to try to give you. I always appreciate your kind words as well.
    You did a great thing for yourself and your family when you quit smoking, but I am willing to bet that you didn't quit and become a non-smoker the first time you tried. You'll get a handle on this too. This is the year!!