Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Anger By The Pound

I'll admit right off the bat...I'm in weird space today. 

As I sit here eating my breakfast of Fruit on the Bottom Greek Yogurt (Black Cherry), I have a lot for which to be thankful.

1. I'm breathing which means I'm alive and have been given another chance to improve my life.
2. My family is healthy.
3. My husband's business is growing and the work he is getting is increasing in terms of frequency and $$.
4.We have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies.
5. I lost 4 lbs. this week.

Yesterday's blog post was one of my more popular ones in terms of hits and response.  Many of you commented both here and on Facebook.  I received several private messages and emails.  It boosted my spirits for sure. I was actually kind of proud of it in terms of myself as a writer effectively expressing my thoughts and ideas.  I needed a boost.

Yesterday was a completely craptastical day.

Last week I had contacted the college to pay my bill and I had noticed that yet again, my Pell Grant had been lowered.  WTH?  So, I call them and call them and call them and after an entire day of them not picking up the phone.  I leave them a message.  No callback on Friday.  No callback on Saturday (they had special "'pre-semester" hours)  Monday 10am NO CALLBACK.  I call them no answer.  School starts for me today, I call the local office and explain that I need an understanding of what is going on as this is actually now the 2nd time it has been reduced in a month and it's getting to the point that I may not be able to afford it.  They transfer me to a woman who clearly missed her coffee.  Upon the explanation of my call she replied "How...CAN I...help you?"  I explain I am looking for an explanation for the reduction only to find out that it has been reduced yet again a THIRD time.  According to her the reason being my "inability to fill out my FAFSA (Federal Student Aid Application) accurately and honestly"  Well, Hotmail a Hasbrown! (stupid autocorrect from my sister that I am totally obsessed with saying now)  Did she just say that?  For real?  All of my financial information was not even placed on my FAFSA by me, but by the government (they imported my tax information from the IRS).  After tears and a transfer to her supervisor who advised me to "Do what everyone else does and apply for a student loan."  I decided to remind myself at exactly why the area that I live in has the reputation that it does, because of people and attitudes like this. 

My hubby is anti-financing ANYTHING.  So I begin to cry.  I call my step mom.  She makes me feel tons better.  I call the school and drop all my classes. 

Even typing it hurts.

I need to remind myself exactly what my step mom said.  There is a NEXT semester.

She is right.  This does not mean the end, but instead...just a delay.

I will survive. (I know you're singing it now, right?)

All this reminds me of how anger has been a total issue for me.  It reminds me that I need to let it go before it manifests itself to me in ounces and pounds.  I have decided to no longer look at myself in pounds of fat, but instead....pounds of anger.

Today's spark: I lost 4 pounds of anger this week.


  1. Girl I took out loans and am now paying them back to the tune of $140 a month..ouch!

  2. 4 pounds is AWESOME. Glad you lost it and glad you got control of your anger before it grabbed hold of you.


  3. "There is a next semester." words to live by..

  4. Oh, I so understand your frustration and anger and it's good to let it out here rather than run to the refrigerator. It took me ten years to get my degree for similar reasons. Imagine my pride when I FINALLY had that sucker done! It's worth it, so hang in here. And 4 pounds gone? Celebrate that for sure.

  5. I feel bad that what appears to be the incompetence and indifference of others has delayed you starting classes. But your MIL is right, it is just a delay. Great job on the loss of those 4 lbs of anger!