Monday, August 8, 2011

Thank You!

Thank you to the follower who left yesterday. It definitely made me feel something.  In this was not the euphoria I have been searching for, but that pursuit has been leaving me a little cold, anyway.

I appreciate all of you coming here and checking in on my little corner of the world...I appreciate it more than you can know.  That's part of the reason why I kind of drop out when I am not doing so well.  I want to do better.  I want to succeed.  I want to show you that I am not all the things that people think I am when they look at me and judge on the surface. Not having a job sucks and feeling like there is NO direction in my life gets a little old to live, let alone live and then rehash for your viewing enjoyment.  The desire for something good to happen in my life is there, but the truth is...I need something GREAT to happen.

I said Thank You to the person who left because I immediately felt inadequate when I saw the number had dropped and WANTED to say that I was sorry.  I wanted to apologize for being me.  I scanned the list of followers and tried to identify who it was that dropped off the face of my planet. I love you guys, but did I think somehow that knowing was going to change how I felt about it?

The truth of the matter is that I strive to be my most authentic self here.  To tell you completely and honestly who I am and where I am, to show the struggle and to hopefully inspire me to do better by looking through my own window.  I choose to come here, no one is forcing me.  I choose to tell you that I feel apathetic. 

Perhaps that is my downfall.

It's a fickle world and I suppose that if I was trying to search for inspiration to keep me motivated to lose weight...tales of unemployment, addiction, suicide, and general personal angst is not where it's at.  I get it. 

I am going to continue to work toward finding my stride again.  Please be patient with me. 

On a lighter note...Big Brother?  Julie Chen's stylist NEEDS to be fired. Discuss amongst yourselves ;)


  1. I understand how the behaviour of another person can affect your thinking. It sounds to me like the thinking was....the follower left...because I wasn't interesting, successful etc etc. Very natural, very understandable thoughts. The truth is we never know. They may have deleted their account. They may feel they cant give time, energy, attention to as many blogs as they want to, they may feel burdened in trying and failing to be a good follower. Its so easy, i do it all the time to read more than is intended to the actions of others and get hurt.
    I love to follow your blog just the way you are and I'm sure all followers would say the same. I sometimes worry I'm an inadequate follower to others generally but I try to do my best.
    Good, good you're working towards finding your stride again, you keep going!

  2. I'm still here, chick!!! Love ya! =)

  3. Hope you find what it is that gets you back on track and in a better place. Take care.

  4. I lose followers all the time! Hang in there.

  5. The follower numbers can fluctuate so I would try not to worry too much about it.

    You are here for YOU and that should be all that matters. I know it is hard not to internalize but I say, forget them, they are missing out and move on :) We love you!

  6. Don't be anything other than yourself-that's what why I read the blogs I do, I like the authentic perspective and I don't feel so alone in my crabby, unmotivated feelings. We're here for you, whenever and whatever you decide to blog.

  7. I stuck with ya, babe. I'm not going anywhere. We need each other. I'm super happy you're back. I missed you! And I'd be a really crappy fellow blogger if I didn't come knockin' when I smelled what could've been a possibly decaying body inside.