Thank you to the follower who left yesterday. It definitely made me feel something. In this case...it was not the euphoria I have been searching for, but that pursuit has been leaving me a little cold, anyway.
I appreciate all of you coming here and checking in on my little corner of the world...I appreciate it more than you can know. That's part of the reason why I kind of drop out when I am not doing so well. I want to do better. I want to succeed. I want to show you that I am not all the things that people think I am when they look at me and judge on the surface. Not having a job sucks and feeling like there is NO direction in my life gets a little old to live, let alone live and then rehash for your viewing enjoyment. The desire for something good to happen in my life is there, but the truth is...I need something GREAT to happen.
I said Thank You to the person who left because I immediately felt inadequate when I saw the number had dropped and WANTED to say that I was sorry. I wanted to apologize for being me. I scanned the list of followers and tried to identify who it was that dropped off the face of my planet. I love you guys, but did I think somehow that knowing was going to change how I felt about it?
The truth of the matter is that I strive to be my most authentic self here. To tell you completely and honestly who I am and where I am, to show the struggle and to hopefully inspire me to do better by looking through my own window. I choose to come here, no one is forcing me. I choose to tell you that I feel apathetic.
Perhaps that is my downfall.
It's a fickle world and I suppose that if I was trying to search for inspiration to keep me motivated to lose weight...tales of unemployment, addiction, suicide, and general personal angst is not where it's at. I get it.
I am going to continue to work toward finding my stride again. Please be patient with me.
On a lighter note...Big Brother? Julie Chen's stylist NEEDS to be fired. Discuss amongst yourselves ;)