Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Heart to Heart

Busy day today!

My sister and I worked on our submission video for BL and for all the over thinking and artistic, visually stimulating ideas we went with us being silly and just talking.

Yesterday was emotional and hard for me.  After talking with my grandma and spending a great deal of time really thinking about myself and my relationships with people, I felt really down and trapped.  (I think I used the trapped word yesterday)

I decided that if the BL wouldn't take me voluntarily, I would force myself upon them by paying to go to the resort for as long as it took.  I thought what could a month cost...$5,000.00? UM HECK NO..it was $10K.  I about crapped in my full figured briefs.  10 freaking thousand dollars???!!!!  WOW.  Disheartening (and I am saying that in my best pseudo sing songy voice)!

Jim came in the room and I lost it...all the upset for the day...all the upset for a lifetime and you know what? 

He listened to me.  He consoled me.  He resolved himself and promised to support me in whatever I needed.  Even when I told him that I might need to fly to LA if this doesn't work this weekend.  Even when I told him the cost for the Resort if it didn't all work out.

but then he DID tell me that couldn't happen at this point...(I already knew that) **doesn't mean I can't find a way**

I LOVE THAT MAN!  and he proved Dr. Phil right.  He was always willing to treat me the way I really needed to be treated, but he took advantage of what I thought I deserved or didn't...(who wouldn't...right?)

So...I am going to Chicago this weekend...submitting my video...possibly LA if necessary...then if I am still just a run of the mill loser...I move forward.  Forward in my own weight loss journey and begin to raise funds for the resort.  I could stand at the corner with the recovering drug addicts or in front of Wal-Mart holding a sign that says "Send a Fat Chick to Camp"  In fact...if your interested in those escapades you can view them here!


  1. isn't he good!
    You sound determined to succeed - to get there no matter what.
    That determination will serve you well whatever route you take to weight loss. In fact - you need it to succeed.
    Maybe whatever happens...BL or not, this is your time, because you want it to be