This is where it ALL starts over for her. Normally, she would have never gone to a casting call for anything. I mean anything. She would not have left the house to attend a casting call for a show called "Fat Christies with an 'ie' from Dittmer, Missouri". She would have been concerned that she was not good enough.
She knows that she is willing to do what needs to be done and work hard to get it, but struggles on her own because nothing worth having EVER comes easy, but when your responsible for a house, kids, freaking out about being unemployed, and you have become the pillar of support for everyone else's hopes and dreams she feels like she's never going to be able to take control of her life, unless she removes herself from it and becomes healthy enough to deal with it head on.
Here she is again, she put herself out there originally, but she was denied. I mean, it's hard to stand out among 1200 other people and standing in that line with all those other people who need the opportunity as much as she did, she knew she just needed to try harder. She is a smiling picture of positivity. She will try again. This time it involves her driving 5 hours away, but it's worth it for another shot. She has been through it before, she knows what to expect, they just overlooked her winning personality, plus the extra effort will prove her determination.
This time she has a message that she wants to convey. A message that she has been long trying to share with the public through the retelling of her weight loss struggles in her blog. There IS more to her than fat. In fact, it's the smallest part of who she is.
So she drives 5 hours to Chicago and for the second time in eight days she is up before 4 in the morning, dressed, and ready to stand in line for hours with the hope and a dream that someone who can actually step in and help her with an opportunity that she truly needs will notice her.
She always has fun in the line. For the most part...the people are great. The people in Chicago were different. They were fantastic! The could almost make her forget that she was standing in a Chicago alley way that smelled of urine..ALMOST.
After hours of standing in line, she sits at a table with 11 other people who are there for the same reason and commences the interview. She (along with her sister) are immediately noticed for the positivity on her T-shirt.
Why are you here today, she is asked. She relays the story about being diabetic and her father being diabetic. She tells about how he doesn't take care of himself and one time was being hospitalized and begging him to take his medication and her feelings when he refused and told her it made him fat and he would rather be dead than fat. How small those words made her feel when they left his mouth and how he must feel that her own life wasn't worth living.
In 10 minutes...it was over again. Left to wait for a call, she decides to take in the city. The rain pounding on her windshield rendered her blind and forced her indoors.
She took in a movie.
She waited still.
Her dream hinged on a call, until it is confirmed that they are through and she again did not get one.
No tears this time.
She has a plan that doesn't involve them anymore. That is...unless she can convince her husband to let her go to LA this weekend ; )
To be continued...