Sunday, August 28, 2011

California Dreamin' (and other musings)

So here we are...a weeks after I got back from Chicago.  I haven't posted this week because it has been a whirlwind. 

After two weekends of barely any sleep on Friday and standing in line for hours on Saturday, the six hour drive home from Chicago took everything I had left.  I slept well into the evening on Sunday. I awoke on Monday with a new sense of purpose: To MOVE ON.

I try really hard to be aware of myself and where my place is in this world, so I am a bit surprised that I kind of let this whole Biggest Loser thing affect me the way it did.  I actually believed that it was meant to be and it wasn't until I was accused of being crazy and my husband put his foot down about LA from a monetary perspective that I had to let any pursuit...aside from the video submission behind me.  I am a little pissed to be honest that I stepped out of my comfort zone to try to obtain something that was important to me and while I had the majority support from friends and family (including huge support from hubby who undertook a huge load for me not to be here for all of this time) someone important to me attacked it. 

I have heard before that when you start to change, the people around you start to feel displaced because you are behaving differently.  Psychologically, they reject it because they have an expectation of your behavior based on what they know of you.  They can lash out and try to sabotage because it makes them question their place in your life. I am trying to chalk this situation up to that because it's hurtful and I am tired of hurting.  It's hurtful mostly because I think that accusing someone of being crazy is the worst thing you can do to a person, it completely invalidates anything they have to say because.....well....they're crazy.

Guaranteed I am in full control of my mental faculties!

A more joyful reason to not have schlepped off to LA is....I became an aunt again this week!  My sister in law (the infamous nephew Nathan's mom) gave birth to her fourth and very big son!  I was present and standing by when 9lb 11oz, Elliot "Eli" Payton was born at 22 in long.  An experience that I will never forget. A connection that I will have with him until the day I die.  He's beautiful and I would show you just how beautiful he is, but Blogger photo up loader is depressingly on the fritz today.

So I have barely been home all week!

I am purchasing batteries for my scale, and I went shopping on Monday for some healthier type foods to get myself streamlined and BACK ON PLAN COMPLETELY.  I don't need the BIGGEST LOSER to do this, I just need to do this.  I am still on plan for raising funds to "Send a Fat Chick to Camp", but I can't wait for that to happen especially since I have only raised $60 to date!  LOL

I have a big week this week.  I am taking a job examination for a government position, so WISH ME LUCK!  PRAY FOR ME!  CROSS YOUR FINGERS!  Whatever makes you comfortable, just send me the would do it for you!!!!

Weigh in tomorrow!  PROMISE!


  1. I'm glad to see you're putting your faith back in yourself, doll. I supported you, and still will/do as far as the Biggest Loser, but in the meantime, you gotta do what is good for you.

    And, you're not crazy - you're determined, and passionate. There is nothing wrong with that. =)

  2. You can do this without the Biggest Loser. You need to remember your worth and your goals, let the power of being a strong woman take over and everything else will be okay. You aren't crazy - you were determined. Now turn that determination and going out of your way to chase the auditions into losing the weight, even if it's on your own. You're never really alone in this, there's so much support out there. Be well!

  3. The thing that does it in the Biggest Loser is a determination to succeed and you have gained more of that through wanting it so much. I have real faith in you, that you can make a difference
    You go for it

  4. Don't give up just because the Biggest Loser door was shut. You never know what will open up from your determination. Sometimes determination and perserverance comes out as craziness.....but that doesn't mean you are. Just keep it up girl!