Wednesday, August 10, 2011


Since I was a kid,,,I have been told I have a bad one.  In some respects, I guess all kids have a bad attitude.  As an adult though, I think whether or not you have a bad attitude comes down to a matter of perception.. 

If I am not doing what you want me to do or I am,being resistant to your point of view, you might say that I have a bad attitude.  I would say your expectation of me to follow your idea of the status quo is unrealistic.

I am on a countdown to 40.  Ask my hubby...he reminds me everyday how close I am.  4 years away. I like to be prepared.  The fact that he is 3 months older than I am and will cross the four decade barrier before I will,  does not deter him from rubbing it in at any given moment.  I know how little time four years actually youngest daughter, the last of MY babies is four years old.  His constant need to remind me and my reaction to it...could be conceived as a bad attitude.

The truth is I have a total reactionary personality.  Another of my numerous flaws for you to follow.  I can wake up in the best mood, happy...singing even, but if you even suggest that I am crabby...0 to bitch in 3 seconds.

Bad Attitude?

No...I don't like to be told what I am.

I don't know who I believe me neither do you. 

That is the true reason I started this blog.  I mean the crux of where all my anger came from in the beginning.  People see me and they see the fat.  My biggest fear is that one day my kids will stop seeing me and will only see the fat or at least see the fat first. 


What do I have to be afraid of?  Everything. 

One day...I will be gone.  The fear will be gone, but people will remember the fat.  They will regale themselves with stories of what I could have been if I just weren't so gosh darn fat.  Because everything will come down to the fact that it prevented me from accomplishing anything in my life. 

Except the truth is that not accomplishing anything in my life is what got me to where I am today.  It's the emotional monsters that sink their teeth in and refuse to let go.  So...the true question is what to do about it...

I have been thinking about and working toward putting myself out there in a way that I have never done and would have thought that I would never do...I have been gung ho and working towards it, but yesterday...I realized that the result that I am looking for is a near impossibility.  A chance literally among thousands of chances.  I  decided that maybe I was a fool and I was going to proclaim myself foolish. 

I was driving to meet my sister in law and hubby for dinner and I passed a sign on the front of a church that said

 "The only difference between an obstacle and an opportunity is attitude"

It felt like a message from God for me. 

Well played.


  1. We met here on a weight loss blog word and do you know, I have never thought of you as "fat"
    I don't view you as a size, but a woman, a fellow traveller on a journey, a determined, articulate, emotional woman who I relate to on many levels. OK so I have never seen you as 'fat' to be fair I have never seen you as foolish, fearful or as having a bad attitude either. I respect and admire you. Part of this road we are all walking on together is about changing how we view ourselves as we are all harder and more self critical about ourselves than anyone else ever is.
    I love reading your blog and enjoy your company on this route, I rather expect many others do too. xxxx

  2. I see many people at work who are very overweight but have the best of attitudes. That makes them way more beautiful than those skinny girls who are so unpleasant to be around!