Sunday, October 3, 2010

I Love Christie (episode recap)

When I left you yesterday, I was explaining that I was going to come face to face with people from a pivotal point in my past and I wasn't sure how I was going to do.

We join our story right after I hit the "Publish Post" button. I get up and walk into the kitchen proceed to eat fun size Baby Ruth and a piece of cheese danish while I make peanut butter toast, I then eat peanut butter toast. I am not going to bore you with the details, but emotional eating ensued for the majority of the morning. (what a cramp this is going to put on my 4 pound goal for this week?). I think I would have done better, but Jim was running calls for his business all morning, but he PROMISED to be there.

After Jim left it meant that I was now responsible for juggling and dressing myself, the kids, and all Saturday morning errands, which included getting my hair done. Which means this is actually what happened:

In between bouts of emotional eating, I berated myself for emotional eating, told myself that I need to get everyone and myself dressed, but continued to procrastinate until it was too late not to rush. I then overreacted like a fool and started screaming for everyone to "fall in line". We are running out the door with about 20 minutes to get to the bank before it closes and it takes about 19 minutes to get to town. Once there, I NEED to get a haircut and I have about 2.5 hours before facing my past and I have to go back home first and then drive 45 minutes to the reunion.

I barely make the bank and Great Clips is packed. I run into Wal-Mart with two kids and I see that the salon inside is free of customers. This should have been an omen to me, but the salon is owned by Regis so they have to be qualified, right? Apparently not in Jefferson County, MO. I put my glasses in my purse and my daughter had my purse, so I could only see an outline of my hair. I was paying and Autumn's teacher walked by. She was so excited to see her teacher, she dragged her over to talk to me and I noticed right away that she would not look at me. She was polite and excused herself, I got my glasses and took off into the bathroom to see the styling I paid for....OMG...OMG...OMG. (sorry Scott). I am eclectic, sure, but I never intended to pay to look like Edward Scissorhands. I could only think that this needed to be fixed before I walked out into the store, because this hairdo was sure to have me starring on People of Walmart! I get it tamed only to realize that she has cut my hair into a grown out form of a female mullet. GREAT!!!

Get home finish getting dressed check in with Facebook only to see that one of the reunion attendees are not coming, too bad..she was one that would have made me feel more comfortable. Jim calls he is at Incredible Pizza waiting for me. I finally make it to the restaurant 3 minutes late. My sister is standing outside with her son and I see my hubby walking across the parking lot towards his work van...OH NO!! Sure enough, he received an emergency call for the other company he works for and he had to leave. I was heartsick and in tears, he PROMISED me that he would be there. He just kept saying he was sorry, I responded by telling him that I would NEVER forgive him and he drove away. How could I leave now, my sister had already seen me. Totally self conscious, I unpack my kids and head inside. I find my sister has gone inside and she is the only one here. 30 minutes later, she is the only one here. 15 minutes later, guessed it, we are the only ones here.

I ended up having a nice lunch with my kids, my sister, and my nephew. Despite having a good time...I left defeated. Never facing my demons and disappointed in my food failure.

Truth be told, I am going to have to force myself into working out today, because it is the only way that I can prove to myself that I can still attempt my goal.

By the way, I feel really bad about telling Jim that I would never forgive him. I have forgiven him and thankfully...he has forgiven me.


  1. Christie- All these years and these people don't know you really anymore, you can't let them have that power over you. I understand that they were from a pivotal point in your life, but they have not been around to see you grow into the beautiful woman you are today! Yes weight might be and issue (it is for most people) you can't let the fear of them judging you stand in your way or set you back from the progress you have made!!!! I love you, you are a strong, positive, beautiful (inside and out) person.

  2. I completely understand where you are coming from. Even just seeing my family (most of them live out of state, thankfully) send me into an emotional tailspin that's really hard to escape.
    I can also relate to the emotional eating for comfort, yet getting more grumpy and out of control. It is such a horribly vicious cycle.
    I hope you get out there & work out today. The goal is to move more :)