I have been thinking a lot about the song Homeward Bound by Simon and Garfunkel. It's a song that I have loved to sing and listen to as I write, since I was young. When I was younger it was a dream about this amazing life that I would one day have that would take me away from drama and visiting family and friends would be something that I looked forward to because it had been so long since I had seen them.
Fast Forward ---> regular ho hum life, with a job I can't stand, the only amazing thing about my life is my husband and my kids. I disappointed myself and let myself go. That is until recently when I began the fight. And it IS the fight of my life. It is the fight FOR my life.
I have been truly blog slacking and for that I am apologetic...I need to do better, not for you, but because it is important to me. But it is a struggle sometimes and at others it feels like blogging, training, and eating right is "going through the motions and that is when a little Simon and Garfunkel creeps into my brain and I hear:
"Tonight I’ll sing my songs again,
I’ll play the game and pretend.
But all my words come back to me
In shades of mediocrity
Like emptiness in harmony
I need someone to comfort me"
and my head replays "But all my words come back to me in shades of mediocrity" over and over and over again, until I start to feel mediocre. I start to feel like I have failed and that I will never be more than mediocre. I thank my lucky stars for all you fantastic weight loss bloggers who keep me motivated and give me inspiration, but I have to admit there are times when I read your words and I feel that mine pale in comparison. I feel that my struggle isn't worthy of this blog.
Oh, but it is...my friends...it definitely is...
So here is my brand spanking new challenge to myself...I REFUSE TO LET OUTSIDE INPUT HAVE DIRECT IMPACT.
I haven't been weighing in. I have been eating somewhat right and I have been working out, but the personal struggles that I have faced recently have really hurt me deeply and I can't handle disappointment, so I have been shying away from anything that might further shake my faith in myself. No more! I will weigh myself in this week and every week no matter the circumstance.
So, this damn song is coming off the iPod. I love Paul Simon in general so I am going to forgive him, but I will not forget... ;)
and I am going to move forward from this point on and find that fantastic life I always wanted to be mine...and in some way I guess that means I am Homeward Bound.