It has been one of those weeks...oh no...am I starting like this again? Oh well.
I had a total meltdown at work on Friday. Not really my fault, but I get so tired of people who think that just because they have a MANAGER behind their name means that they are somehow the "chosen", they can do no wrong. Or worse, they treat you like you are insignificant and you mean nothing. The latter sealed by tearful breakdown that ended up getting me sent home from work. WOO HOO!! FREE HALF DAY!!! If I had known that worked...well, I am sure too much of it would get me committed.
Despite my emotional breakdown, Friday was a good day for me. I left work, got a massage, picked up the kids from their various kept locations and went home to chill out. That's when it hit me. The full force of what three days in a row at the trainer can do to a body that is only working TOWARDS physical fitness. My abs were burning, my back was killing me. I could barely move. Then the doubt creeps in...how am I supposed to keep this up? How am I ever gonna continue to do this on my own. If I am going to see real true results, then I am going to have to work out EVERYDAY! How do I do this in this kind of pain?
Saturday morning...I wake up and do NOTHING. BOO! On Tuesday evening I am officially pissed at my weekend self. Jim starts in as the blind saboteur..."What do you think about going to Golden Corral tonight?" I am thinking..."We ARE supposed to have the nephews over tonight and it would be easier than ACTUALLY cooking and cleaning up after 5 kids" and part of me was also thinking..."POTATOES!!!Mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, FRENCH FRIED POTATOES" So, of course..."SURE" came right out of my mouth.
Saturday evening, Golden Corral. We had to take 2 cars. I took my youngest nephews and Erica with me. My nephew, Nathan and I have a very personal discussion about weight and it's effects on our lives. He's 11 and the conversation goes to very deep places. Places that at 35, I understand on the most basic of levels. I realize in that car, there will be no potatoes tonight. Tonight...I begrudgingly lead by example. I had a grilled chicken salad, followed by what will forever be known as the big plate of fart (Broccoli, Cauliflower, Brussel Sprouts, Watermelon, and peaches)...my nephews can attest...it not only lived up to it's name, but on an adolescent boy scale...I reached legendary proportions.
I promised to walk on Sunday..I faltered. I did do some time in the pool with laps, but not to the level I should have. Dinner on Sunday was grilled chicken breast from Subway, so at least I ate fresh, right?
Monday. While I did have a handful of fries with my bunless turkey burger...I DID rock the meal plan, but did not work out because I was "resting up" for my Tuesday appointment with the trainer.
I woke up Tuesday with a promise to be on my bestest behavior. The kids fought me to wake up and get dressed. Jim offered to be a sweetie and drop them off on the way to work. I got in my car only to fall victim to that darn throttle cable which slipped out and caused the engine to rev excessively. I was late for work. As a result...didn't get to go to lunch with the ladies which translated into fewer laughs and no commentary on the cafeteria people (to which we have determined that every person has a "trailer trash" doppelganger and they all eat here). Work dragged on. I, did not, under any circumstances, want to go to the trainer today.
Then it hit me...a few weeks ago when I was in my inspirational heyday, my bestest friend that anyone could have in the whole widest world, Amy(last time she felt slighted when I said she was a good friend) had decided to step up her journey and told me she didn't feel like going to the gym. I looked at her in all of my "Year of Courage" snideness and I said "If you can make it on your worst day, you know you will make it on your best."
It sucks to be forced into eating your own words, especially when I am not sure if they are on my meal plan.