Firsts

Today Marked the beginning of my second week with the trainer and my meal plan. The official tally at the gym was 7 lbs. lost. That is amazing to me. I am super excited and pumped for more although the workout was much harder for me today. I still powered through and came out ALIVE on the other side. I have decided that I already know how people on the Biggest Loser feel when they are afraid to go home. I am already concerned about what happens to me in 4 weeks when I no longer have a trainer. Will I be able to do it myself? I want to. I want to say yes more than anything, but there goes my notoriously bad self esteem again...sneaky little...
This is also my self saboteur in full on recon mode. I am my biggest obstacle.

The thoughts of that are scary and I have to admit they are definitely triggering my emotional eating. I have not been defeated by temptation yet, but it's there..on my shoulder throwing it's taunts. I think that means I HAVE to stay in tonight. In the big scary world of Wal-Mart or Walgreens it's hard to say no. At home, I am safe. I did the shopping this weekend so there is not a scrap of junk food in this house.

Another first that has me teetering on the edge of a fantasy land filled with baked goods is my daughters first day of school. I can not believe all of the unknowns. Will she be ok? Will she cry? I work full time so my kids have always gone to a sitter, but my sitter NEVER traveled with my kids. This is the first time I will be dropping her off at daycare and leaving her in someone else's care who will be placing her on a bus to be transported into someone else's care and then the whole thing in reverse. This is where the Amish have one over on me. They may not have electric, but they are secure in knowing the location of their children. I try so hard not to let her see my concern and my trepidation because I want her to walk in there with confidence, ready to take on the world. I always want her to believe in herself and know that she is strong and capable. I want her to love herself and feel love from others. I can look out for dangers at home. I can kiss her face when she is hurt, but school is the one place that I can not protect her. I will not be there with her to tell her that it is ok when other kids think she talks to much or a group of kids tell her that Hannah Montana is so pre-school and she thinks she's the greatest and I can not wipe away the pain of things that she will start to keep from me. My biggest fear is that she will end up like me in that way. I can only offer her my ear and a trusting environment to be honest and one in which I hope she believes me when I tell her she is the most fantastic thing with which I have ever been entrusted. She will always be my chunky Chinese snowman(even if it seems politically incorrect)! Good Luck Autumn, Mommy loves you more than you will ever know.

My Meal Plan...Inspiration for healthy meals as I "Tweet what I Eat" on Twitter @lifeinblubber