I have started this entry five times now. I keep wanting to say that "words can not express how I feel", but it seems a tad contrived especially since I am expressing myself with words. Those of you who know me well, know that I tend to hinge on logical forms of speech and, well, what is good for the goose is good for the gander, I suppose.
I had planned to sit down tonight and fill you in on my progress (and I am happy to report, there IS progress) and tell you about my first official day in the gym with my trainer. I can never remember that saying about best laid plans, but I am sure it applies here. I have decided NOT to do that tonight. I promise I will later on this weekend, but I have something more important tonight.
This last week, I have received an outpouring of support so great that I would be remiss if I did not mention it. I was contacted by SO many people both on the blog, privately, and some in person all thanking me for what I am doing here. I suppose it is kind of gutsy, but believe me...I need this as much as anyone. I need to document this. I go back to it all the time.
I think about it when I am trying to convince myself that it is ok to just grab something to eat on the way home. I think about it when I get home and think I will skip the pool workout and just veg on the couch with the kids and lose myself in some "reality" television (scripted tv is so 1980). You have all given me a new level of accountability that I never expected. Thank you!
I am human and I will have mis-steps and I may reach out for support to help me pull through, but I will promise to always be honest here. It is so important that we are honest with people and show them our true selves. I have often hidden myself and my feelings away, trying to convince people that I am proud of who I am and that my physical being doesn't matter, but in reality I was trying to convince myself.
My journey is as much about showing myself that I can commit to something that scares the bejesus out of me (writing on a regular basis) as it is about my weight loss. Thank you for sharing in my journey. Please continue to keep me apprised of yours, whether it is losing weight, changing something that you don't like about yourself, or chasing a dream that you thought was lost.
I have spent so much of my life trying to jump the gun and say what others were thinking about me before they could say it, and being angry at them for it, I never stopped to imagine that others could relate so closely.
I am truly blessed!