Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Splurge and Purge

Good Lady Gaga, it has been one heckuva week already and it's only Wednesday!

To be honest I am completely overwhelmed this week. I kind of built up this expectation that this week was gonna be difficult and well....Good Lady Gaga.

I started my working with my personal trainer two weeks ago this last Tuesday. I am sooo much stronger and I have sooo much more energy, I could kick my own butt for not doing this sooner, but I am not quite that flexible...yet! Last week was kind of an easy week on the workout front because there was so much life happening. Autumn was starting school so there was orientation, open house, and well the whole first day of school incident that there was only time enough to schedule 1 visit with her and as you have previously read, I struggled on my own without those visits. At my workout last Wednesday, my trainer reminded me that I am on a 6 week plan which offers two appointments per week and since I was unable to use both appointments she offered to give me an extra one this week...ugh. I wanted to say "Aw...that's nice of you, but I'm ok...really.", but recognizing the importance of this opportunity, I agreed. I really didn't want to do it, but....I'm here in this place right now because of all the things I didn't want to do, I summon my COURAGE and press on.

It has been on my mind since last Wednesday, completely psyching myself out...I scheduled my appointments on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I made a conscious decision not to blog about it until I saw myself on the other side of today, but then IT happened. Well, actually a series of IT's.

IT #1: I made spaghetti on Monday...a HUGE weakness of mine. I portioned it out, I tried to be good and I was...I ate what I was supposed to and I went about my night, but I was in the kitchen by myself and I don't know what was going on with me, but I saw what remained on my daughters plate and I picked it up with abandon and SCARFED it down, I keep hearing this weird noise and I figure that Jim is doing something outside and I try to ignore it in between fork trips to my mouth. Just when the haze of this situation starts to fade, I notice Jim peeking at me from the powder room with a "what the hell?" look on his face. Instant embarrassment which made the disappointment in myself even worse.

IT #2: In a moment of...well...I could say weakness, but this was almost conscious rebellion, I made a decision to eat whatever I wanted for lunch. I was looking for any reason for it to be ok for me to eat a burger and fries in that STUPID, STUPID cafeteria (the bane of my workplace existence). I made an announcement..."This is what I am doing, don't try to talk me out of it, I won't eat the bun and I won't eat cheese, but I am having that flippin burger and fries". Thankfully my friends talked me down from the ledge and said if you are going to eat something bad make it one thing and then eat everything else good. So begrudgingly, I ate a Turkey burger, no bun, french fries and a banana.

IT #3: This trainer that I have is super nice, but inside her is an evil, evil, did I mention EVIL fitness genius. She mixes it up and makes it fun, but she wears me out and makes me glad I called her at the same time. I have learned that I don't like to disappoint people and this ACTUALLY works in my favor when it comes to working out with her. It was rough today. Literally thought that I was not going to make it through and every move was a struggle. Every breath felt like it was my last, but again it is 90% mental. I made it through. I got her very pleased look and she told me that I did a really good job and then we exchanged pleasantries about seeing each other on Thursday and being 2/3's of the way through a three day in a row work out and I walked out the door. 2 steps away from my car and that is where IT happened...shouldn't have worried about those french fries because they met their ironic end right there in the parking lot between the training studio and Racanelli's. From this point on public puking will forever be known to me as "Racanelli".

The point of all this is to remind myself and you that I am human and I will make mistakes. I think the real goal is to try not to make those mistakes.

A really good friend of mine told me today that you have to work on it day by day and at the end of the day if the good outweighs the bad, then you have succeeded. I like that.

I also like that I have spent my entire marriage listening to my husband tell me to "hurry up","walk faster" and "try to keep up", but tonight after a trip to Wal-Mart he told me that he had to work to keep up with me because (in his words) " I was putting it on". He was right. I was putting it on and you know what? He better "put it on", because I am going to give him a run for his money!

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