Wednesday, December 21, 2011

10, 9, 8, 7....

Ready, Set, Go!
Ready, Set?


Why don't we just...Go?  Why is there always so much pomp and circumstance surrounding the fact that we are going to do something?  I am guilty of it as much as the next person.  Maybe even MORE guilty of it.

"I need to eat healthy.  I am going to do it next week. 2 more days, for real.  It's almost Monday"  The worst part is that when I do this its for my benefit only...everyone else is in the over/under pool on when I fall off the wagon. (Truth be told...I sometimes bet in that pool...sickening isn't it)

All this propulsion talk from me lately has really got me thinking.  Am I really a big enough idiot to miss this before? 

My sister recently threw a barb at me that went something like "Christie is too busy trying to control everything and everyone because she can't control herself".  There is some truth to that.

Since I was a kid, everything has been spiraling out of control, that I have spent a gooood portion of my life dealing with things as they come flying at me.  Kind of like if living your life was the same as being in one of those tornado machines where you have 5 minutes to collect all the money you can.  The only difference, of course, is that if I walked out of those machines I'd have two D cups full of cash.

 There is no rewarding feeling that comes from putting out fires, if the minute it's out, you hear the sirens calling you to another.

I had a really good friend tell me just last night that I was "waaay stronger than I know", but sometimes  I think that people mistake resilience for strength.  Resilience only means I can come doesn't mean that things don't nick, crack, or break me.  It doesn't mean that I can weather the storm, it just means that I am stupid enough to come back and face it again. 

Face it all again to fail again.

Face it all again to fail again?

Walter Elliot said  "Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races once after another."

That is what I have always missed before.  I have always unconsciously been looking for that one grand gesture that was going to wipe out all the bad and start everything anew.

Guess what folks?

It isn't coming.

Don't overlook your spark waiting for an explosion. 

It only takes one spark to ignite your kindling.  Your kindling is your goal.  It's up to you to fan the flames.  If you don't fan the will go out.

Don't worry.  You can always get another spark.

Today's spark:  My daughter Erica held up her first finger at me today and said "Mom?  Is this my middle finger?"  To which I replied, "No, it's your first's called your 'pointer'."  "No,'s called my picker."  o_o   See...there is still too much to be done.

1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry I missed this post the first time...I really connect with what you have said. I, too, have been called persistent, resilient, dedicated, but it doesn't mean I am flawless, that I fail, that I am hurt by criticism...I have manipulated my life and everything around me in my own best interest for so long, that I forgot to actually fix myself in my own best interest. Maybe it is because I like food, alot, maybe it is because I was scared to fail, maybe because I was scared of the challenge, but certainly because I was not nearly as steadfast as I had fashioned myself to be...again thanks for this insight into you, I found it particularly insightful into me, as well. And thank you so much for diagnosing your diet on my post...