#ONLYFATPEOPLE

Remember this post?
Less than a week ago, it retold the story of a group of kids who decided that it was ok to openly make fun of me for being fat.  It tore me up.  I was extremely upset.  It hurt me because it was unexpected, I hadn't done anything or even had interaction with any of these people.  They saw me in a restaurant and zeroed in, they did so without fear.  Isolated incident, I have told myself.  It's not like it happens everyday, right? Not to me anyway, right?  I have to move on and remind myself of who I am and what my journey is, what I intend to have accomplished at the end of my quest.

When I shared that experience with you, I kept thinking about how being overweight puts me in a unique group.  A group of people that generally are acceptable to pick on, make fun of, to openly judge in a questionably humorous fashion.  I was, however, somehow genuinely SHOCKED when I logged into Twitter this morning and saw that #OnlyFatPeople was a trending topic WORLDWIDE. 

The comments ranged from:

#OnlyFatPeople Drink diet sodas with a full course Mc Donalds meal. (ever heard of diabetes?  Thin people get it too and Diet sodas don't have sugar. Also LOTS of thin people do this as well...not just fat people)

to

#OnlyFatPeople breathe heavy while thinking hard or eating (The guy who left this comment is @TOOfunnyandREAL and had his REAL name listed as Lil Dooky.  Dooky means shit where I come from, go figure.)

Of course some people tried to comment on how disgusting it is to even create the conversation, but of course this has only continues to allow the conversation to trend. 

Stupid to let it have an effect I suppose, but it just feels like NO PLACE is safe. Is this how people become agoraphobic?

Mrs. Mowry Goes Shopping



photo by Mr. Scott



Went on a Field Trip yesterday!  Super exciting. 

I took my first trip to Whole Foods Market! I was so impressed I am almost embarrassed by it.  The produce section was bright and beautiful like something out of Willie Wonka (diabetic version).  I loved it so much...I went back again today.  I would love to sit in the floor and write poetry all day. ( I wish I was kidding.) 

The nearest one to me is 42 miles away.  I know what you are thinking, but the nearest ANYTHING to me is 28 miles away!  It started with a lunch invitation from one of my besties (Mr. Scott), a random Facebook post, and an agreement to show me the Whole Foods ropes.

Being a SuperFAN of Top Chef (and VARIOUS other reality television) The hubster provided strict warning that the little voice in my head telling me "You have 30 minutes to shop and a budget of $200" was only me and that NONE of my money is furnished by Buitoni.  (but your three cheese tortellini is fabu and I would be willing to accept ANY amount of cash for saying so)

I found coconut water (which will keep y'all regular without the use of laxatives...or so I've heard ) and all the coconut milk ice cream I have been unsuccessful in finding here in Hickville.  I have an embarrassing issues with hot tea. I took a picture of 15 different flavors that can be found in my pantry, but Blogger won't accept it.  (Some things should stay secret)  Whole Foods has an entire tea AISLE.  LOVE IT (all sing songy).  I think I am going to pitch a new reality show where I sneak into Whole Foods at night (a la Where The Heart Is ),  live and eat there.  I'll hide a Foreman Grill in there somewhere and block myself from the Bakery and the desserts.  Maybe that is a bad idea...after all I would probably just GAIN weight (which I've heard is counter-productive)

On the info front..I have been steadily increasing my steps, eating healthier...steps in the right direction.

Love Whole Foods too?  What do you love about it?  What is a must try?

Tuesday, Tuna Salad, and Charlie Sheen

My husband offered me a bet...but we'll get to that.

Last night, I hit up the Subway for dinner.  6 in. Steak and Cheese with peppers and onions.  Thanks to fitbit, I know that I still ended the night with a 1600 calorie deficit.  SWEET!  Steps ended over 5k, but I needed double that. 

My trip to the Farmer's Market yesterday was a smashing success.  Tons of awesome fruits and veggies for about $25!!!    I am most excited about the humongoid mushrooms that I picked up.  I love, love, love mushrooms! Trying to think of all the ways to add this fresh, delicious goodness to our diets on the downlow in some cases. My hubby will eat whatever I put in front of him, but I have the obvious kid issues.  You know, they eat onions, mushrooms, green peppers, etc.  until they see them.  I got my youngest good today.  I made what I am calling Veggie Scramble.  I cubed potatoes and pan cooked them with non-stick cooking spray, while I added onions, green peppers, mushrooms, and tomatoes to my chopper until they were mush.  I beat eggs for scrambling then added the mush and mixed well.  Once the potatoes were soft, I added the mixture and cooked as I would scrambled eggs.  When they started to stiffen, I added a handful of cheddar cheese.  The color was just a little off, but Erica did not notice.  The flavor and texture was fabulous!

Today I am planning on making a tuna salad for dinner.  I will need to sneak in some carrots, celery and maybe some cukes.  This is dangerous territory because in my house, tuna salad is like the holy grail.  It is a fine art.  This is one of the only things that concerns me with my husband.  Messing with Tuna Salad may be a punishable infraction  ;)!

I think I am going to do a Yoga video today.  I need to treadmill, but I am super tired today.  I stayed up waaay to late (like after 1:30 am) watching the trainwreck that is Charlie Sheen.  Well, the Charlie Sheen Roast that is...  WOW.  I saw Mike Tyson on Same Name a few months ago.  You could really see a change in him, I almost felt bad laughing my butt off at the way he clapped like a seal at like EVERY joke.  It was funny, but in a lot of ways it was sad.  Charlie looked old, as he should, I suppose...living that hardcore.  I know that America loves an underdog, but what happened to a legitimate underdog, not a guy who hurt himself repeatedly supposedly past the point of recovery.  Oddly enough, I feel like The Roast of Charlie Sheen is a masked attempt at making people think that he has done something to recover and the fact that he is being featured is his engineered "comeback".  So...why am I talking about Charlie Sheen?  Because if he can "comback" then losing 100lbs should be a walk in the park. (literally)

Now about the bet...

I stayed up so late last night that my hubby joked that I would never get up this morning.  He said I bet you end up having to drive Autumn to school today.  I, being a champion of little sleep, took the terms of that bet.  The winner receives $100 to do with as they pleased.   No issue.  I set my alarm and snuggled in for abbreviated rest.  I woke up on my own, looked out the window, sun shining and super foggy.  I laid back down and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I shot up with a "son of a".  The time on the clock reinforced his doubts in me as the sound of the school bus passing could be heard as I woke my daughter up.  I can not believe this happened.  I run her off to school, comeback, make breakfast.  Sit down to write this blog and hubby decides that he wants to gloat.  He gloats right up until the point that he admits he shut off my alarm clock and cellphone alarms as I was sleeping. 

Any guesses on where he can find his hundred bucks?  

Good Morning, Monday.

You evil heifer. 

I am unemployed and I STILL can not stand Monday.  Monday is the day that I have to look past my sleeping in till 7 am and I am required to get up and make lunch for my first grader, feed her breakfast, be a timekeeper from the time she gets up , then to the bus.  I do not begrudge her any of those things, I am her mom, it is my job and I want to be there to make her feel secure and know that as long as I am here, I will take care of her.  But...I want to sleep.

Monday is ALSO the day that many of us waited over the years to start, re-start, or begin a new phase in our weight loss journeys.  I am no different.

My activity goal today is to get over 10,000 steps.  Doesn't seem likely at this point.  1pm  and I am at 3433.  It's gonna be a push to get close, so we will see.

For breakfast I tried some Naked Protein Zone Smoothie.  Really Delicious Flavor, but gritty.  I hate protein powders for that reason, so I was hoping that would not be the case, but  OH WELL.  It tastes 100000% better than a powder, so  I will keep drinking it.

It's approx 1:30 and I am at about 1100 calories for the day which seems weird since I have only had the smoothie, pb on sandwich thins, a handful of cheez-its, and a banana.  I have done 30 minutes on the recumbent bike.  I enjoyed watching my new Community DVD's while I was pedaling.  Perhaps looking at Joel McHale will give me cause enough to hit the treadmill or the elliptical later on (perk of being unemployed).

I intend on heading to town tonight to stop by the Farmers market for some fresh fruit and veggies then I will either have steamed veggies or admittedly stop by Subway and pick up a quick sandwich.  We'll have to wait and see.

What are you up to today?

One Step Forward...

bully [bool-ee]


 a person who hurts, persecutes, or intimidates weaker people

Yeah.  It's gonna be one of those blogs. 

It's raining here in Missouri.  Correction...after that loud boomer, we are definitely in the midst of a Thunderstorm.  With the exception of this year, which has been a crazy weather year for sure.  I have always enjoyed a peaceful rain falling with the occasional rumble of thunder and flash of lightening.  It's a renewal.  A cleansing.

I need a renewal, so it's fitting.

I have been working on a course reversal.  I for some reason have not been able to convince myself to stop the direction I was heading in and get back to where I was when I was successful here.  In fact, I was over 5,000 steps on my fitbit for the first time in a long time yesterday.

Getting there.

I was really excited for yesterday.  It was a jam-packed. 

I met my sis in law early for a event at my nephew Ian's daycare center.  Face-painting, popcorn, give-aways, the kids were in heaven.  Autumn wanted to sign up for a chance to play their version of "Minute To Win It".  Ugh.  Being fat...I try to blend in.  Stay in the background.  Try to go unnoticed.  ESPECIALLY when I am with my kids.  I see the looks, I hear the things that people say about me, I tell myself that I can handle it, but I want to protect my kids from it. Autumn really wants to play.  I see her withdraw more and more in public situations and I see myself in her when it comes to things like that.  It has always been a hindrance to me and I have robbed myself of some great opportunities as a result.  I agree to play.

5 rounds, on a stage, outside, in public.

When it started, the full force hit Autumn.  She tried to back out.  I told her that she could do it and despite my nerves, I walked into it FEARLESS on the outside, CRINGING on the inside.  We accepted every challenge and participated fully (with the help of my S-I-L).  We did not win, but we had a blast!

My kids spent the night with my mom last night.  Being unemployed, It had been so long since I have had a moment without at least one of my kids, I tried to ignore the look she gave me when I jokingly screamed "I'm free" as I drove away.  Did a little party shopping for a couple of birthdays that are coming up and hubby was supposed to plan a date night.

He did not.

I forcibly advised that he was taking  me out, or we were going to the casino.  He jumped out of his chair and was out the door.  We each went with a little pocket cash.  Hubby is an all in kinda guy, which is why, I am an emotional wreck. : )  He is a dream it and do it, worry about the consequences later, balls to the wall guy.  I am more calculate and proceed.  Total opposite. 

I LOVE PENNY SLOTS!  I may never win money, but they are fun and 20.00 can stretch awhile.  Hubster loves roulette!  Not a detail player, he's a red and black kind of man.  Long story short, he somehow walks out of the casino down 275.00 and I walk out with 400.00 in my pocket.  We definitely need to discuss the meaning of pocket cash, but in the end, we walk out ahead.

I have had the best day!  It's after 10 o'clock, I am still out, having a blast with my hubby like old days.  He wants to go to Steak and Shake.  I oblige him.  The place is dead.  We have a nice meal in quiet, reminiscing on old times and talking about the group high school kids that came in after their Homecoming dance. The girls were dressed so beautifully, they guys seemed clean cut. Just reliving memories through them and chuckling at the guy in the white on black reversed suit kid with Justin Bieber hair and aviator sunglasses.  Time came that we had to leave, hubster pays the check, as I hit the restroom before the trip home.

As I am in the stall, there is male laughter outside the bathroom door.  It made me smile, but sad that so much life and youth has slipped away from me.  I miss honest laughter, giggling so hard you can't catch your breath.  As I am washing my hands, one of the boys walks in the women's restroom, I turn, he clearly is intentionally there, but startled that I am not in the stall as he has expected.  He only says "uhhhhh", then a muffled "excuse me" and runs back to his table.  Kids being kids, I ignore it.  I am leaving anyway.  I walk up to Jim.  The kids at the table are getting louder now, their conversation is obviously getting more exciting, I try not to let them grab my attention from my husband who is actually expressing interest in maybe finding something else to do.  We walk out of the restaurant hand in hand, stopped on the sidewalk to finish our conversation and the animation at the table of high school kids can no longer be ignored.  I am outside the restaurant and they are pointing and laughing at me.  They see me glance in their direction, they all start laughing harder, then Bieber puts his hands in front of the glass in an apparent attempt to not be turned to stone by obvious unfortunate looks as the rest of the table laughs and makes OVERLY exaggerated hour glass figure gestures with their hands.  One girl actually spits soda out of her mouth.  Hubster is oblivious. I am embarrassed, ashamed of myself for being.  I tell him that I want to go home. We get in the car, I take one last glance, when my eyes meet with theirs, they all put hands in front of their faces to block my glance, we drive away.

Fat.  The final acceptable bullying frontier.  Some random people stole joy from me last night.  Crushed my spirit and broke my heart.  Maybe it hurt worse this time because I had just spent time, reliving my life through their youth and identifying with them. I wonder now about the intent of the kid who walked into the bathroom.


Now I am just sad.  Sad that people are cruel. Sad that these kids are in for a rude awakening that their parents, school, and extended families have not prepared them for a lifetime of dealing with people who are different from themselves.  Beauty fades.  Real Life Begins.
 
One step forward, two steps back.

10 years

I am reposting a link to my last years 9/11 blog because I believe for me...it says all I can say on the subject.  If you are interested click here.  If not, that's ok...I still have a few musings about the day.

I have been on Twitter and Facebook on and off all morning.  I realized in a social media environment something that I have known, but never first hand experienced before today...We are ALL truly connected.  I suppose that many things connect us to each other as we live out our human experience, but I think that the majority of Americans (at least the ones I know personally) take for granted our freedoms and liberties, but the one thing that connects us all to a basic Patriotism is 9/11. 

It's the one thing that was thrown in our face to say hey...You have it, it's fragile, and you may have to fight for it.  I am not saying that was the intent, but it definitely is a message that you can take from it.  Innocent, unsuspecting people lost their lifes that day.  Families were changed forever.  The United States of America was changed forever.

I was changed forever.

I can 't bring myself to watch any of the programming.  I saw enough from September 11, 2001 and in the days after.  I have spent some time reflecting over issues of Newsweek, Time, and the St. Louis Post-Dispatch from the days after the attacks.  It just brings it all right to the surface in a way I have never experienced before. 

September 11, 2001.  Despite the amount of time that has passed and the distance we have traveled from it, still feels like yesterday in so many ways.

No Scales Were Harmed In The Making Of This Blog

That's probably not entirely true, but none have been harmed in the recent past.

Not avoiding you, I have been without Internet. AT&T has ruined my Internet life for the past few days. I was so aggravated with fixing everything they directed me to screw up, I thought I would NEVER want to look at a computer again.

Here I am though.

No weight loss.  Admittedly any progress was thwarted by a Labor Day four layer dessert and an odd penchant for taking naps this week.  I have felt like I have NEEDED tons of sleep.  Concerned with it a bit, but it may just be the weather, so I am hanging in, hanging out, trying to be cool, and hoping that it will work itself out.

Still no job.

Re-vamped the basement gym.  Bought a clearance elliptical, set it up next to my treadmill with a TV and a new love for Redbox.  There is now, no reason to get a gym membership.  The only things missing now are the drive and the motivation. 

Not much else to say, been hanging out on twitter A LOT lately.  Wanna chat?  @lifeinblubber

Wipe Away The Tears

 Putting on my big girl panties and sucking it up.  Life's too short!  If I can think of anymore cliche's I'll input them here later...LOL

Truth be told, I am doing better than my last post and THIS is super good news because I full on believe that most of my doldrums seem to be stemming from an interpersonal problem that I am having with a close relative rather than from anything that is wrong with me.

You guys AGAIN, have come through for me and provided AWESOME support that I appreciate, but do not deserve. 

Dawn, if you find yourself 'across the pond' and driving in my neck of the very scary woods, I will invite you in and take that hug. 

So enough about all my emotional stuff...here's what I am doing.

Training.

I don't know for what yet, I don't know when, but I have NOTHING else going on, so I am about to go all Spider Monkey on that treadmill.

I bought a new pair of shoes today.  New Balance.  Finally some shoes that ACTUALLY fit my short, wide, Barney Rubbles.  They feel so different.

Whatever I do...I'll rock at it.  Still got the looks from the sales lady though.  Looking at me like she can't believe that I can run at all.  I hate that she made commission off me.  Makes me wish I had a list of people that I plan to send before and after pics to like a big old    EPH U!!!!!!  

AHAHHAHAHAHAHA...I may have to actually keep a list like that...it makes me feel better.

I am back to using the plastic cups with straws (reusable).  My old trainer told me that if you carry a fun cup with a straw, you are more likely to drink more water and stay hydrated in general.  From my past experiences, I believe this as a rule.  I have also put the banishment on S O D A.  I have always been a take it or leave it kinda gal, but I find since I quit smoking that I am apt to latch onto other things in ways I never had before. 

This is all for tonight.  Tomorrow is a new day.