Monday, August 10, 2009

Death of a Smoker; Birth of Someone Who Really Wants to Smoke

To commemorate my 30 days of not smoking, I thought I would take a moment to tell you why I quit.

I don't know.

No truer words have ever been uttered...except maybe "I have no flipping idea"

I have never followed through with anything. I kind of dared myself, it's like a test. I test myself all the time.

"Don't eat the cookies, Don't eat the cookies, You don't need the cookies, You don't even like the cookies" always ends with "Mmmmm....COOKIES!" I fail everytime.

I just decided not to do it. I decided not to smoke, then after about 3 days I thought about smoking and said "I'm gonna buy cigarettes" then the voice in my head (which speaks with a southern accent) "Well , you can't even make a week without smoking"


I like smoking. It's fun. It's social. It helps time pass. It helps time pass...did I mention that it helps time pass. Why am I wanting so much time to pass? Wait...didn't I say that there aren't enough hours in the day? Then I'm thinking, where did I get all this time to smoke? What could I be doing when I am not smoking...well, recently I have found time to blog 11 times.

What? The writer who never writes because she doesn't have time, found time to write by using the time she used to spend smoking? Amazing.

So, I made it a week. was like a dare. I bet you can't do two weeks and so on. For those of you who see me on a regular basis, you know there have been days when it has been hard. Days when tears are necessary. Days that I have been feining like a heroin addict. Days that I have been so crabby I have blatantly been rude and admitted that I knew I was being rude, but didn't care...(that was rude and I do care).

Now I am here, standing on the precipice of 30 days. I don't think about it as often...I am a more productive employee...SOMEBODY HAS TO BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT!!! I realized that I have been eating/drinking things that I don't like. I have been drinking Diet Pepsi for 5 years...I just recently discovered that it is nasty. I don't know how anyone can consume it, but mixed with cigarette smoke and ashy lung...MMMMMM..nectar of the gods.

I eat more vegetables...they are flavorful, not anything like the ones I ate 30 days ago slathered in butter and covered in salt and pepper. I eat them plain and they are fantastic.

Does this confirm Death of the smoker?

Heck No.

I want to smoke right now thinking about it. I would leave my husband for Joe Camel right this very minute. Smoking is good...Smoking is passes the time.


  1. You are a hoot!!! Joe Camel is a bad catch. Smoking IS fun and does pass the time but it also causes major health issues and lots of other issues you know about...I'm very very proud of your strength and determanation

  2. The Smooth ones always are a bad catch.