Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Many Are Called, Few Are Chosen

That makes me laugh. I suppose anything taken out of context can seem ridiculous. I was watching Mildred Pierce on HBO, Monday night and some dude said it.  That's kind of how I see this whole weight loss thing (which is probably an unhealthy way of looking at it).  Think about all the money that is spent on losing weight in a year.  Personally, I spent about 3,500.00 last year.  Trainers, treadmill, recumbent bike, workout clothes, shoes, socks...etc.  Every dollar spent trying to lose something you gave to yourself.  It seems crazy because before I came here..that's kind of how it seemed to me.  Many people diet, Few Succeed.  I have dieted before this and have been mildly successful.  I have never had to work this hard for it though. 

The blogging world has changed my opinion of that.  I see people succeed, people fall off the wagon, people get back up!  I see pressing on through adversity, staying positive, acknowledging your mistakes and moving on!  All of these things make me believe that I can do this too!

My little corner of the Internet is where I found some things that I lost quite some time ago (long before the Internet was a household deal)...little pieces of me.

I have been missing from my corner over the past few days.  I was feeling kinda downtrodden.  I followed my meal plan at about 80% and did no exercise until tonight.  The plan for today was easy come home and TROUNCE that mile time.  I was going to run for 1:15 minute intervals and I was going to beat the 19:59 mile time.  13:42, .753miles, so close, but it was not to be.  At 13:42 in...I gave up.  That's right folks!  Set to beat my best time ever and I just said, "I can't do this" and stopped the treadmill.  I was hot and I was sweaty and I felt horrible.  I thought I was going to puke and it was by the grace of God and water that I did not.  I sat in my chair and I started to cry.  "I just can't do it" I thought repeatedly.  As I sat there for a minute, I thought about how it's all a waste.  All the $$ spent, all the time lost, ALL A WASTE! Time to give up the ghost.  I have admitted defeat.

I would've done it.  I did it the other day.  I gave up on me.  It felt horrible and familiar.  I knew that I could do better than this.  I have done better than this.  I WAS NOT getting back on that treadmill.  I DID do 25 minutes on the recumbent bike.  Today, I gave up, but only for a minute.  I may not have accomplished what I set out to do today, but I still accomplished something, and that something is still an improvement over where I have been.  That something is still a step in the right direction.  If I don't believe in myself, I will never get anywhere, but it has been so hard to believe in me this week.  I am the only one that's gonna get me there. 

I'm not "back", but I'm getting there.

4 comments:

  1. Don't beat yourself up too bad. Failure has become a habit with so many of us. It's what we know. It's familiar. Now that we are trying to make success a habit, something we aren't used to or familiar with, failure is always ready to set up shop again. Make this time the time that success hangs on and wins. Be careful not to set yourself up for situations like you describe by setting unrealistic expectations. Make sure your goals are reachable and realistic. I think many of us have the "all or none" mentality. You DID exercise you know. Have great day.

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  2. Good for you for getting on the bike. you know your going to have days where you feel like this. you are going to do this. It is hard work and it annoys me sometimes...but you are worth it and you know this. Just keep your goal in sight. know that you have people in your corner Christie. It is not about what you did not do, it is about what you did today. Looks to me like your fighting and going after what you want and what you deserve. A healthier life so you can do more. Keep strong, you will make it. hugs.

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  3. Christie, you know you're not alone in this battle. We all stop, start, stop, start. But the cool thing is that you will get to where you want to be! You are the only one that can get you there but by golly I'll be your cheerleader. Getting there is part of the journey. Hang in!

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  4. It is not what you have lost but what you have gained. Step by step little by little.

    "Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you"
    Matthew 5:48 (The Message Bible)

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