Finding Victory

I haven't written in a week.

I'll just come right out and admit that there are reasons.

It started last week with a promise to my kids. They wanted pizza. What kid doesn't? Since I started living courageously, I had not ventured into the realm of pizza. I agreed that if they could wait until my Thursday weigh in, we would go out for pizza. Everyday..."Is it Thursday, yet?" Thursday comes. I usually train on Tuesday and Thursday and try to get my gym time in between. Christine is my trainer on Tuesday and Rebecca is my trainer on Thursday. Christine is more of what you would call an isolation trainer, whereas Rebecca is an athletic trainer. They are both good for different purposes and I am glad to mix it up. However, on Thursday, Rebecca was not my friend. Not even close, she was nearing my enemy.

Last week was horrible, my manager was in the office (he is an off site manager) and in a very self important manner, he made accusations towards me and then warned me of the "MOST STRESSFUL WEEK EVER" (dun dun dun) He left town on Wednesday on the fumes of his unfounded threats and it actually ended in a good way for me. The LAST thing I wanted to do was go to the trainer on Thursday, but I had promised pizza and there is all that "on your worst day" stuff, so I went. I worked harder in the gym that day than I had ever worked. My 35-45 minute training session was around 55 minutes of non-stop activity. I worked out hard and I rocked the meal plan and I was ready to pronounce myself victorious on the scale. That's when she decided to inform me that she was not letting me weigh in this week. She had decided that at 6 weeks, I was bound to hit a plateau and she did not want me to be discouraged. I begged and I pleaded with her and at this point it was just a joke to her. She promised me to weigh in on Tuesday.

Folks...let me tell you, I was MAD!!! I was ANGRY!!! I contemplated not going back. I thought, "you people have a lot of nerve telling me to set small goals and then ripping them out from under me. You'll feel really bad when I am eating Meat Lover's Pizza tonight!" Then I cried.

I realized that the only person that was going to suffer from Meat Lover's Pizza, was the same person who has been suffering from it for at least 20 years. A promise is a promise, so my husband and I took the kids to Pizza Hut for dinner. I had 2 slices of the Veggie Lover's hand tossed and a salad. On the way home, I made Jim stop and I ate a Hershey's bar. Since that day, I have been slacking and making more "exceptions" into my diet.

Yesterday, I was training with Christine and she asked me if I wanted to weigh in. Nichole, my training partner had already gave her the "what for" about how she felt on Thursday, so in an effort to exert my Independence and let her know that I am paying for these sessions and I am 90% of this effort. I refused.

Thinking about this now, I wonder why I let other people affect me in this way. For me, it's like finding a turd in your flower garden after you've knelt down, your face is surrounded by petals, and you are full nostril. I let the smallest turd ruin the whole experience. I can't get over it. I have been so strong in this and I recognize my aptitude to let myself down because someone else has let me down. WHY DO I DO THIS??? Especially when I said it before...I am 90% of this effort! Even if the whole world let's me down...I can find a way to do this. I refuse to drink at this pity party. My victory will now come from proving to myself that I can see this through.