Saturday, July 25, 2009

Road to Ruin (pt1)

As a child I was a small thing. Barely existed, well it feels like barely existed, but the truth is that it was probably the only time in my life that I was normal. When I was about 8 my parents divorced which was devastating to me emotionally, physically, and mentally. My mom was devastated because my dad would never allow her to have a job and now she was responsible for everyone and everything on her own. My dad was not really around a lot especially when I was younger, so we survived everyday with determination of my mother and the assistance of my grandparents. I felt overly responsible for everything and a lot of responsibility thrust upon me, but this is not my therapy session, it’s about how I gained all this weight. The truth is…no one was paying attention. My mom was worried about money and survival. My grandparents were worried about us, our survival, the added stress of two families living together, and their own careers and existence. In the midst of all this worry, no one noticed that I would go from plate to plate after dinner finishing off what everyone else left behind.
Food was punishment and reward growing up. The adults would wait for the kids to go to bed and then they would eat popcorn. That always pissed me off. I like popcorn too, this has actually lead to many heated discussions so I will not go any further with it. Holidays were all about excess. Not in the amount of food, but in the selection. There were 10 different kinds of cookies, every pie you could imagine and it was a special occasion so you could pretty much try everything, but again no one was paying attention. Before anyone paid attention I was 10 years old and 150 lbs.
By then it was too late! My mom tried to switch everything to sugar free, raw sugar, and veggies, but WE WERE NOT HAVING IT. We were pissed. We didn’t know that we were eating in a way that was unhealthy, but now it had gone too far and we had to change. It wasn’t our fault we didn’t know. I think they gave up, we were really strong willed. Due to my mom’s single parent status, with trying to work and go to school, we didn’t do anything but lay around, so no surprise that My 5th grade self weighed 150 lbs.
(to be continued)

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