Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Here. We. Go.

Last Tuesday I had my last appointment with the surgeon. 

I was apprehensive because I spent a lot of last month having "last" times.  I REALLY TRIED TO BE BETTER, but it's hard.  Especially when all of those who are supporting you, don't realize how detrimental "last" times can be.  In all fairness, I had planned some "last" times of my own.

Despite all of this, I still lost a pound last month, which was all I needed to do to get the green light from the Dr. and the paperwork submitted to the insurance company.

Now we wait. 

The only thing we know for sure is that it is happening.  Sooner, rather than later.

I did select the gastric sleeve and I have been busy trying to prepare.  I purchased all the vitamins that I will need for the first month.  I've been making sure that I have access to plenty of protein shakes and powders for the first few weeks, as well as trying things like "Mush" Soup and Leek Soup that I can eat once I come off clear liquids.

Most days I'm mostly certain that this is the right decision.  Others, well...

I need it, though.

I feel like it's really my last chance to live a different life.

I read a lot about after surgery.  It's scary, but it really makes you take a hard look at how food focused your life can be.  I really didn't see myself as a food focused person, but sitting on this side of facing at least 3 and a half weeks of liquids only, I have found myself crying over my future lack of food.  What I may never eat again...


How privileged am I that this is even a fleeting thought for me?  All will be well. 

My main concerns focus around what I read about relationships, though.  I worry about friends who have maybe subconsciously given me the "fat girl" role in their lives and won't be able to figure out where I fit in otherwise.  I worry about my bigger friends and family and how they will feel and react when I am different, like I can't understand their world anymore.  ( I will always understand).  And, of course, I worry about the hubster, he's my jam.  He's the Andy to my Raggedy Ann, the Bert to my Ernie.  I have loved that man since I set eyes on him and I could lose every ounce of extra weight on my body and it would all be for nought if I lost him.  We've talked about it and he laughed.  He said, "I'm pretty easy going."  and he is.

The doc says the insurance can take up to 30 days, then surgery would be about two weeks out from then.  I'll keep you posted.

1 comment:

  1. This is very exciting! I'm sure some of your relationships will change, but not necessarily for the worse. I can only imagine there will be some adjusting but the people who are there for the right reasons will always be there. If some of them move out of your life you will simply have to look back and say that you are glad for the time you had together, appreciate the things you shared and learned, then allow them to make room for someone else in you life who fits the new healthy you.