Saturday, July 24, 2010

I Had the Strangest Dream

Last night as I went to bed, I thought, "Wow, this is the eve of my official 1st year as a non-smoker." I should have never acknowledged it. Dreams are powerful things.

Before I get into the dream, I need to provide you with other background information on this week. I have slept very little. I bought a new crazy scale that doesn't just provide your weight, but it is full of all kinds of little confidence killers, like BMI, water weight percentage, and worst of all your percentage of body fat. The first time I stood on it, provided me with SHOCKING information across the board. This began a week long debate with honest do I really want to be with my reader?

By that, I mean to do I want to tell you how much I weigh.

I try to be as honest as I possibly can and there in lies the struggle. I could tell you what I weigh, but I see some of you everyday. I know me. I know that when I look in your eyes, I will think you are thinking about it. I will see the numbers looming over your head right back at me, like in that old credit score commercial. I want to do this thing. I want support, but in the honesty comes judgement from people I love and thinking about it makes me want a cheeseburger hug followed by a cheesecake pat on the back. Which brings me to the other thing...I do not want people telling me what to eat or saying maybe I shouldn't have eaten something.

Then I realized that I am asking people to hold me accountable and stand with me, but I am cutting their legs off at the same time. hmmmm..what to do?

So back to the dream...A parade is being held in my honor, down some picturesque little old timey street. The floats are amazing, my family has one, my friends, then Phillip Morris...what? Their float says, "We Miss You, Please come back." Everything froze. There was some old guy in a suit standing with a boom box over his head `a la John Cusack in "Say Anything". He tells me about all the good times we have had. He reminds me about all the parties, all the times they have held my hand while I cried. Then he says, "you know a good cigarette can suppress your appetite, you'll never lose weight without us." Then it took a strange turn into this reoccurring dream that I have been having for a while where I am working with a chimpanzee who can write anything and everything that I sing to him, but that is probably not related.

I woke up this morning with a new determination to succeed at this, maybe what I need is for someone to say get that out of your mouth. or let's walk.

The goals are to be more active and more accountable. I need to get further away from 301 lbs.....see what I did there....Nice. I know. ;p

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