Tuesday, August 16, 2016

A Friend Request

I don't have many secrets.

Most of what there is to know about me, I will gladly put out there. I learned a long time ago that it was so much easier to relate to others when they are honest about their struggle.  Some of my closest friends were just acquaintances until I got to understand how they were broken and in my brokenness I was able to recognize how their jagged edges would fit into the gaping holes in my heart.  I had never really thought of it that way until my former boss said to me, "I wasn't sure how I felt about you until I realized you were broken."  At first that really confused me.  Then I realized that by sharing our brokenness, we allow an opportunity for empathy.  That empathy crushes the shell of who we want to portray ourselves to be and people see who we are really.  The REAL us.  This realness in all it's raw beauty is the foundation for any true friendship.  Those friendships are kept alive through continued realness and honesty.

So here's a dose of that honesty...

My level of inactivity over the last few weeks is borderline redonkulous.

For the last 10 days, I have been trying to stay on point with my food intake, but my movement has been a struggle.  There are reasons excuses that I reiterate to make it sound ok, but it's not.  The goal of losing as much as I can before surgery is still there, but the drive has diminished and a bit of fear has set in.

Even the hubster is having doubts.  I get the occasional "Are you sure this is what you want to do"


Resounding "YES"!!

Actually, I felt so guilty about even admitting to the fact I haven't been walking, I left my desk for a hot minute and walked half a mile.  That's what it is going to take my friends.  The whole point of everything I am doing is to be in a better place beforehand, so the surgery becomes what it is actually meant to be: a tool.

My friends keep me going.  They know I'm not doing the right thing, because they are asking me about it less and less.  I know this will sound weird, but please be honest with me.  Call me out on it.  If you love me, don't be afraid to hurt my feelings and let me know that I am holding myself back and you see that.  I believe I can win this fight, but I don't always remember that I can. If you believe I can win this fight...Tell me...Throw it in my face that I am wasting an opportunity and that I am doing myself a disservice.  Hold me accountable.

It's not your job, but it is as important as encouraging me to write or pursue some other adventure. 

In fact, it's more important.

It will guarantee you more off-color commentary that you can't believe I said.
It guarantees you church giggles until your stomach hurts over some private joke.
It guarantees you that I will be here for you when it matters to you most.

Thank you in advance.

1 comment:

  1. Me again Christie...
    I think you and I have some similar struggles, maybe a lot of people who struggle with weight have some of them.
    I am older than you, (I just had my 54th birthday at the beginning of Sept, although I'm not convinced there hasn't been an accounting error there somewhere!) Our physicality is different, but I feel so many of the things you do. I know we can do this. I know we have to do this. For me the biggest obstacle, over and over again seems to be my self doubt. I think an upcoming blog will be about that.
    I am here to tell you something you already know. We have a finite number of days on this planet. It's time to stop wasting them being less than we can be. We need to be healthy and happy and have control over our minds and bodies. You can do this. You are doing this. Don't let a setback derail you. Don't let self doubt rob you of what you are capable of.
    Go Christie go!!